Originally we had planned to keep M in school until the Christmas break. Seemed like a nice time to transition, but she really didn’t want to continue any longer, so we decided no time like the present. It took me a few days to type up the paperwork and get her curriculum in order, but on Monday of this week I dis-enrolled her from public school.

We are still waiting on most of her books to arrive, so in the mean time we have been reading George Mason Forgotten Father, doing some algebra online, and working on geography. We also went to a local museum. I have to say when you have one student who is 14, above grade level and highly motivated homeschooling is mighty easy. Plus it’s fun. Every afternoon we curl up with blankets, sip hot tea and read. It’s pretty cush.

Today we took a field trip to the local shooting rage. Most of you probably know that M does not like guns and she isn’t fond of shooting, especially my 9mm and she won’t go near the rifles. Fortunately I have very generous friends. Country Tea & Mr. Tea let me borrow their Ruger .22 MK III. A gun M was at least willing to try without much tude.

I know this is old news for a lot of you, but after I was mugged I became fairly aggressive in making her learn to shoot. She didn’t have to like it, but since there were guns in the home I wanted her to know how to safely handle them and also to be able to use one should she need to. Learn how to load, unload, hold, keep her finger off the trigger, keep it pointed in a safe direction etc was not a problem for her. Just the actually pulling of the trigger was an issue.

Most of you also know I was too forceful. I reacted out of both guilt and fear. I felt enormous shame and guilt for teaching her to be a victim. I had conditioned all the fight right out of her and I was concerned that my actions were putting her at risk.

As I began to settle down and realize that I was forcing her to go from zero to 1000 in .2 seconds I decided to back off guns and focus on the skills she would most likely need now and ones she seemed more willing to accept.

We talk a lot about situational awareness, things that are going on in the local news, ways she can fight back without a weapon, what actually can be used as a weapon, mindset, that kind of thing. She actually took to those quickly. She is extremely aware and she absolutely believes it’s ok to fight for her life and and use any means necessary to do so. She still struggles with the idea of doing it herself and she still isn’t all that happy about my training with Arete.

Me- Want to take some actually classes like Karate or Krav Maga?

M- I don’t know. That doesn’t sound fun.

Me- You get to hit people.

M- Umm, not fun.

Me- I think it’s fun.

M- Yeah, you hang out in the park with a known sniper.

Me- (Giggling) That’s fun.

M- That’s scary, but actually some classes could be good. I will be driving soon and even if I did like to shoot I can’t carry, so I do need to know some things.

Me- Smart girl

It’s on her mind. She clearly thinks about it and it’s almost like she knows someday she will need to make the switch, but something is holding her back.

It is very much a two steps forward one step back deal. Some of you may remember that she came to me and asked to go shoot at the range in Culpeper with John. I had high hoped of that working out, but it never materialized for one reason or another. I let it go and allowed her more time.

A few days ago I told her I planned to go to the range on Thursday and since would be home did she want to go.

Why yes she did!!!

Fuzzy, I know. This was her first magazine at about 3 yards. All in the red. I didn’t care if she shot every single round from 3, but she kept scooting the target out farther and farther. I asked her if she wanted to play a game. I shot somewhere on the target and then she tried to get her round through the same hole. We did this at about 10 yards.

Pretty good. I say lets do that some more!

She wanted to take turns, so I would shoot then she would try to match it and then I would shoot a different spot on the target and so on. I was using my Shield.

Her last target of the day. That bigger hole in the middle is not from my 9mm. It is from her hitting the same spot several times. This was maybe at 7 yards. She loaded all her own magazines, she loaded the gun, made ready and shot.

Still wasn’t jumping up and down like I do, but she had a great attitude, she really tried and she did smile several times. She especially liked the game.

I keep saying it has been and continues to be a long slow process. My husband keeps saying it has been and remains quite a quick and impressive transition. Not yet 2 years since the ordeal. Either way we both see positive progress and I today I shot with my daughter and she didn’t hate it, so that’s a WIN,

Brigid has her post up detailing her enchilada recipe. I am not kidding you really should try these.

Mom With a Gun has up a post on guns and special needs kids. We are very fortunate that our kiddos have taken to guns, safety and responsibility quickly, but even though we don’t have “special needs” children(in that sense) we still do not take chances with our firearms. Safety is the top priority. To me the safest place for my gun is under my control which generally means on my hip.

I think it is interesting how some people have tunnel vision when it comes to guns. Clearly, I am big, big proponent of carrying a gun. If the law allowed I would have my gun 24/7. It’s a very valuable tool and one I like to have at my disposal at all times, but bad guys in the ally are not the only danger or threat.

If there is a child or any person in your house that is not able to, for whatever reason, handle firearms safely, that is your first threat and it should be dealt with. I think her suggestions are good ones.

The Cornered Cat has a post up on how to become a firearms instructor. I think it is a great, great, great post.

I had only been shooting a short time and wasn’t very skilled when people pushed and pushed me to become an instructor. “We need more women in the field”  they would say. These people were kind and sincere and being encouraging. Most saw something in me and thought I had the ability to do a good job and wanted me to get the certs and move in that direction. No one was being casual or flippant, but still, what we need is more skilled and qualified people in the field not just more people, male or female.

I think that most instructors out there can do a good job of teaching someone how to accurately shoot a decent sized group, but as I have said before if we are talking about defending your life, I would think you would want the best there is to offer and that usually means someone with years of experience.

Anyway, as I read her suggestions, I thought, actually these are great for anyone who would like to become proficient regardless of there career goals.

An interesting read on Knife Fighting over at No Nonsense Self-Defense. I don’t know anything about this guy, but the idea that fighting for your life being a down and dirty business is one that I believe. When I first started working with Arete, he would show me something and then when he would come at me and I would usually freeze. I would mess everything up because I was trying to remember the moves. I was trying to get it “right”. He goes this way, so I am suppose to do this. Oh, he grabbed my wrist like, I am am suppose to pull this way. Wait what are my feet suppose to be doing?? I was so focused on the technique that I completely missed the someone is trying to kill you and they don’t really care how skilled you are at getting out of a wrist grab. He would say don’t worry about doing it right, trust your instincts(which I was terrified to do) and do whatever you need to do to get out of this and do it as violently as possible. Once I stopped being afraid of getting it wrong and I started to think solely about survival my instincts did kick in and I could get out of most things. I realize he was not trying to kill me and getting out of those situations is not like being attacked for real. I do not have a false sense of my abilities, but I think mindset is huge in surviving a violent attack. Letting go of preconceived notions about “fighting” has helped me tremendously.

Well do you? Can you guess what this post is about?

Why training of course. I am a big, big, big fan. Even though my son’s kindergarten teacher thinks I have gone over the edge and might be taking this self defense thing a tad bit too seriously(I adore her), I still like to train. More specifically, I like to train for the least likely scenario as much as the ones that are most probably.

I have trained for being attacked by one bad guy who is armed, unarmed, coming at me from behind, the side, or straight at me. I have trained for those long distance head shots(probably wouldn’t take one, not very good at those). I have trained with a knife, with just my fists. I have trained for multiple attackers, in the dark, in the rain, on a train, in a box, with a fox, in a house, with a mouse…can you guess my favorite classic children’s story?

The point is I have thought about and tried to simulate a lot of different possibilities for being attacked, but one I have never  thought about was multiply weapons. That is until this morning when I received my Active Response Training email update.

A weapon in each hand…scary. Yesterday I posted a quote on my FB page…

“Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.” -Jim Morrison

For me this idea has become my mantra for living a more peaceful life. Not to be reckless and careless, but to constantly face things, idea, challenges, or what have you that cause me to be afraid. I can tell you reading Greg’s post this morning scared me. I thought, “Holy cow, no way am I prepared to handle that.” “If I am faced with this bad day, I am in deep doodoo”So, I did what I often do. I ignored it. I stopped reading. I got up and tried not to think about it. A bit later I sat down and forced myself to click on the links and read those stories. Being afraid and not facing the possibility that bad things can and do happen does nothing to up ones odds for survival.

While these two situations are frightening, being too afraid too think about them or worse being too afraid to react if one finds themselves in the midst of one them, only makes matters worse.

You know I am a proponent of thinking things through. What would I do here or there and I honestly think that is a mighty good training exercise, but isn’t until I put it into practice that I find out if what is in my head is possible. Things move fast when your attacked. It’s important to get an idea of how fast. No way to prepare for every situation, but that isn’t an excuse not to train for as many as you can think of.

So as much as my brain say “This is not a good idea and perhaps the kindergarten teacher is right about you”, I am still going to ask that Marine dude if he will come at me with two weapons and see what fears I might put to rest. Or perhaps uncover some new ones, either way sounds fun doesn’t it?

The other day I received an email from my friend Brigid…

It is the perfect balance of spices. It’s smokey and rick, but not at all over powering. Ours turned out silky smooth.

When cooking with a 14 year old the kitchen gets a little, well, messy.

And strange. M was playing around with the camera which is why in this next shot I am missing my head and it is in black and white. I don’t know if you have ever tried to cook while a teen is bee-boppin around you with a camera singing Justin Beiber, but you if you haven’t you should try it. It is as annoying and as fun as it sounds.

That is the other change. Brigid rolls her’s and that is a great plan with flour tortillas, but the corn ones were a little stiff. I have made corn enchiladas before where I either dip them quickly in pot of warmed oil(not healthy) or microwave them for a quick second, but since this was a weeknight meal I opted to layer the tortillas like a casserole. When the other ingredients arrive we will make them rolled. Probably wait for a Sunday though.

The finished product!!!

Friday night my husband’s company had their annual Christmas party. I didn’t really want to go. My favorite people were not able to attend and even though I love date night with TSM with our schedules I enjoy spending my “free” nights at home with the kiddos.

Be that as it may, we were going so we got all dolled up.

Both of these pics are out takes.  I liked these better than the posed ones. After pics we headed out for the evening.

The gathering was small, but nice. For dinner we sat with a gentleman that works in my husband’s office. Very nice guy. He wasn’t much of a gun guy until he came to work in the office my husband opened. Now, he is quite a fan. He just started skeet shooting. I enjoyed listening to him tell of his new adventure. He was almost giddy. There was another man, his wife and their 14 year old daughter also at our table. The man of that group used to work with my husband when they were both Marines many moons ago on Camp Pendleton. We reminisced about life on the base and the good ol days. His wife is a sweet, sweet woman and quite patriotic. She wishes she could do life all over again and be in the military herself. She is new to shooting, but has the bug pretty bad. Their daughter doesn’t shoot yet, but her mindset is solid.  After chatting with her, I am confident she is not of the girls should be “nice” and “polite” crowd. She was very nice and polite at dinner however.

Had a very nice conversation with my husband’s boss. Not for the Internet, but a good “in person” story.

We talked politics, guns, movies…You know dinner conversation stuff. It was a nice evening.

Saturday I ran on the ambulance. TSM stayed with the kiddos. Nothing to exciting, but several patient contacts. I did have a run in with some firefighters.

The driver of the ambulance decided we needed to wash our rig. After he decided we all needed to wash our POV’s. He told me to pull my truck around and park it next to everyone else’s, so I did. About the time someone slathers soap all over Jayne, the fire truck pulls by, but I am blocking the bay and he has to go around and back in. He does, then jumps out and starts yelling. He isn’t yelling at me. He is yelling at the driver of the ambulance. They go back and forth and I try to apologize, but no one is listening. Someone tells me it’s no big deal they are fine. They settle and start chatting about this and that. I am off cleaning something else when I hear this guy say, who’s truck is that anyway. They point to me…hers.

Young kid, maybe late 20’s- Hey nice truck for a Ford.

Me- Yes, it is a nice truck.

YK- You done washing it?

Me- Yeah.

YK- You gonna wash my Chevy?

Me- Probably should since I blocked your bay.

YK- Hell no. Your not gonna wash my truck. You didn’t think I was really mad did you?

Me- Seemed like. (I did think he was mad, but I was not the least bit concerned or worried about it)

YK- Naw, that’s just how we talk around here.

Me- Gotcha

So, “Hey you stupid motherfucker what the hell blocking my bay.” While slamming the doors and throwing turn out gear is just another way to say “Good morning” at the firehouse.

Nice kid. Very nice tats. Crazy cute daughter.

Sunday was a pretty low key day. Tons of kiddo time. Went grocery shopping with M, played games with the younger ones, did laundry(TSM actually does all the laundry), cooked a killer dinner and even got to sit down for 30 minutes or so and catch the last half of the Redskins game.

Homemade cherry soda.

My version of a cassoulet. Chicken thighs, beans, smoked sausage, onions and bacon slowly braised for hours. The typical cassoulet is a 3 day process, but I do not have time, so I adopted a jambalaya recipe a friend sent me the other day and the results were spectacular.

I start back to work at the range in January. Some exciting things on the schedule. Once everything gets finalized I will let you all know. Not to jinx it, but also in January it looks like I will be able to start back training with Arete. Homeschooling is going well. Another post on that later. Tonight I am making a very special meal for M. That will be the subject of tomorrow’s ramblings. Other than that, not much going on.

Texting this morning with the badass dude I call Arete. Much chit chatting about this and that and something that led this…

A- Good veins mean you have good circulation. Never a minus on that.

Me- Pretty healthy and fit. Not bad for a middle aged broad.

A- Well for a middle aged broad as you put it, you got great gams. TSM is lucky.

Me- As long as TSM is willing to stick with me then I am the lucky one.

A- Yeah. Your safe there. Plus you like guns.

Me- I do like guns, but I try to keep that on the downlow.

A- Hmm, well then we really need to work on your presentation because that big ass truck with your goofy smile and Colt kind of defeats your goal.

Dang, I thought I was being so subtle.

So says my phlebotomist. Ok, ok, she was talking about my veins, but I will take what I can get.

As part of the application process to become a member of the rescue squad a full physical is required. Good news is my blood pressure is 104/82, BMI 19, and I am mighty flexible which impressed the heck out of my doctor.

Oddly, I shrunk an inch. An INCH! What the heck? I made the nurse measure me twice against two different walls. 5′ 7.5″ both times. My doctor did not seem the least bit interested in my shrinkage. I was freaking a tiny bit and really hoped she would be give me more than,”Yeah, your getting old.” Okie Dokie, thanks for the professional input. I am not that old and seriously should not be getting shorter. I liked my height.

It does explain why I am the same weight, but now have a little extra cushion on my hips. I have been perplexed as to why. I guess my new tiny stature can not dispurss my girth as well as my previous one:)

I also requested a new epi-pen. I discovered a few months ago when I was checking my supplies that mine expired…5 years ago. A bit of a fail on my part.

All and all not a bad visit.

One of the first things I talked to Arete about was knives. I had a folding utility type knife I carried, but I wanted something else for self defense. Again, I will say that in the event that my life is threatened and I am forced to defend it, I will use any and all things available. A rock, a pen, a lamp, a coffee mug, my fingers, legs etc. However, I do like to have with me tools that up my chances of survival. Hopefully quickly and with little harm to myself. A gun and good knife are my top 2 choices for that.

Everyone I spoke with wanted me to get a folding a knife. It’s easy to conceal(check your state’s laws. In Virginia we can’t actually conceal. At least the clip has to be visable. Although there seems to be some wiggle room) and the blade can be longer because the folding part makes the knife more compact. I did not want a folding knife because that would require me to open it before using it. Now, if you are Arete and you are freakishly talented and have already been in a knife fight or two that works. If you are me, well, lets just say the simpler the better.

I applied the same thinking I used to select my gun. I wanted a gun that had a long history of being well made and reliable. I did not want a manual safety. I wanted to be able to draw and shoot without having to mess with anything extra before I could take the first shot. I wanted to carry that gun in a holster without a retention strap or any other thing that I would have to unhook, unsnap, press or pull before I could remove my gun. Same with my knife. I wanted a knife that I could simply remove from the sheath and immediately try to stop the threat. To me that meant a fixed blade.

TSM, John and Arete all helped me research different fixed blade knives for me to carry. There were several I liked, but nothing that screamed buy me and carrying me around allday everyday. One afternoon I was watching different videos on You Tube and came across a young man reviewing the TDI Last Ditch Knife(LDK). He carried his in his boot. That looked snazzy to me and was very inexpensive, so I bought one. I liked it so much I bought 5 more. My son has one, my husband has one and I have three. Then I found out that TDI makes bigger knives, so I bought both the large and medium versions. The large knife is not a knife I wouldd carry unless I was maybe camping. It is very large and the sheath is not to my liking, but the medium one is a nice size.

I like that the total package is compact and that the handle is curved. I can draw quickly and slice a turkey’s butt(I practice on turkeys from the store not ones that are roaming around my neighborhood)in no time. No muss, no fuss. Very comfortable and very affordable. I don’t know if they make a left handed sheath, but I carry it on my right side since my gun is on my left. My only issue with the knife is when I put my shirt over the handle(part of the clip shows. No laws being broken here) the handle pushes out pretty far. I wear it appendix and cant it a bit to tuck the handle down, but it still doesn’t blend as well as I would like. Not a huge issue for me. The price, easy of use, sharp blade and size outweigh the handle issue.

So in addition to my gun and flashlight, this knife is part of my EDC set up.

I wanted to catch you up on the haps in the AGirl abode. TSM and I are a little more than half way through our EMT class. We are both enjoying it tremendously. In fact TSM made a comment the other day stating if he had it to do all over again he would go into the medical field. This is ironic because I have been telling hm that he should do just that for 20 some years and he has always said, “I would never enjoy medicine.” Course that is what I said about shooting, so… I am sure there is a lesson in there somewhere.

The weather in Virginia has been down right hot. Yesterday I wore jeans, a long sleeved shirt and a light jacket anticipating the chill that normal comes with December. After about 5 minutes in Jayne(she is my truck if you don’t know:), the coat came off and the windows went down. I normally start to get excited around September for the cooler weather. For one it is much easier to conceal carry in the winter and I love the iconic-ness  of snow and Christmas, but this year I am thankful for the current temps. To borrow a phase from my friend Brigid, I am pretty much a “bag of antlers” and the cold rips right through me. All that snow is dandy if I am inside my house bundled by the fire, but not so much if I am standing on the side of the road at a motor vehicle accident.

Speaking of Brigid, her friend EJ wrote a fascinating post on rifles. You must go read.

Lets see what else…oh there is a new link. I received an email from Ron asking if I would like to put a link to his site When The Balloon Goes Up. He started an online store. Naturally, I said yes(I don’t always)! Well, actually I said I would love to, but have no clue how, so as per usual, I contacted Barron and asked him to assist me. He did and voila. For full disclosure if you click on the link and purchase something I think there is some kind of compensation to me. Doesn’t matter though, the link is there to support Ron. He has done a great job and I encourage you to check out what he has to offer.

I have been doing a lot of cooking lately. I made my world famous peanut/pine nut brittle.

This batch was for Tam’s gift basket that Erin was putting together, so I used the finest ingredients, but often times I make it with vanilla extract and regular butter. It’s a big hit as a holiday gift. I did not hear if she liked it or not, but lets just assume she did:) If you would like the recipe email me.

I also made this…

My soon to be World Famous Chicken Coconut Curry Soup. By World Famous, I mean my family liked it. This one is easy, easy. I sauteed boneless skinless chicken breast and chicken thighs in a large pan until golden brown, added sliced mushrooms and red bell peppers(red are my favorite, but any color will do). I tossed in a good dose of garlic and ginger powders along with freshly ground pepper. Added coconut milk(I used the light and toned it down with 1% milk. It still has the coconut flavor and mouth feel, but a bit healthier for the heart) and curry powder(I used a pre-made version. There are lots of crappy ones out and with a variety of heat you may need to experiment to find one you like) Simmered until my sexy man came home(Your version will not have this element. You will need to insert your own sexy man, woman, cat, dog …). I spooned it over jasmine rice and topped with fresh cilantro. Normally I would also add scallions at the end, but I didn’t have any on hand.

Other than EMT and cooking we have been watching a lot of Christmas movies and reading a ton of stories about elves and reindeer. Nothing on the shooting front. Other than a bit of dry fire practice and regular carrying that is. Today I will be study for an exam, exchanging my EMT pants, working my ab routine and hopefully some pleasure reading.

This was yesterday’s post, but it got bumped by the whole “I am a celebrity and so everyone needs to know what I think about guns” post.

The title is a line from the end of “A Miracle On 34th Street”  The main character, a little girl, is trying to convince herself to believe something. She is trying to believe that  even though all evidence is to the contrary she should still believe in Santa. Of course, we all know that Santa exists and miracles do happen, but outside of the jolly guy with a belly that shakes like a bowl full of jelly, we probably would be wise to look at the evidence as opposed to what we want to believe. Many times even when presented with overwhelming proof, many of us choose to still believe what we know not to be true.

After I wrote about the article my daughter showed me, I started to think about and discuss with my husband why it is that women are so willing to accept the suggestions made by the “expert”. Why do we read something and without even really thinking it through, believe it and pass it on? Why do we think that it makes sense that a bad guy would walk on by us if we had clothes that were not easily removable? I know I have read a million stories of women being attacked where this doesn’t hold true and yet, I know there was a time I completely believed that line.

When I look back on my anti gun days and the logic I used to explain my beliefs none of them hold water AND it doesn’t take a lot of critical thinking or facts to disprove them. Yet, I sincerely and truly believed that less guns meant less crime and I truly believed I was safe from the bad guy by just following a few simple guidelines. Guidelines that were found in that article. Why?

The reasons are many and complicated and are not the same for everyone, but to some extent I think for most it is simply because it is what we want to believe. Many of us are conditioned and many of us are naive, but there is more to it. I believe we accept these ineffective ways to keep us safe because they are what we want to be true. We want to believe that the world is basically a rosy place where bad things don’t happen to good people and when they do they are so rare, we need not worry about it. AND we want what is easy.

I think we want to believe there are ways to be safe without having to actually do or change much of anything.

I am as guilty as anyone. I spent the first 12 months ping ponging all over the place about carrying and I had the proof that bad things do happen to good people. Still I made excuses for not carrying(rarely) or trying to make my new lifestyle fit into the old one. There is no way for me to carry a big gun on this frame without wearing something a little bulky over the top. Showing off my hard work from the gym just wasn’t possible while wearing a gun, a knife, a flashlight and a spare magazine and it annoyed me. I spent a great deal of time being frustrated and pissed off at the bad guy and life. I hated  how unfair it is that I had to make all these changes and sacrifices in order to protect myself. Oddly, I used those emotions to look for ways to justify not doing what I knew I needed to.

Believe it or not there are still days where I just want to get up, put on a cute summer dress and walk out the door. I want to skip around blissfully unaware of the evils that lurk. I never do. Unfortunately once you know something, you can’t un-know it.

The reality is that taking responsibility for one’s safety will require sacrifice and compromise. There are lots of new products and creative people working on making those sacrifices less and less, but in the end there is no easy out.

Anything one does to be more active in taking control of their life is great. Becoming more aware, avoiding people and places that are clearly dangerous, carrying mace or a knife are all great things and they absolutely contribute to lowering your odds of becoming a victim, but taking the path of least resistance is probably not the best course of action.

My friend Tim sent me an email on the day I wrote about M. In the email he included an excerpt from Paxton Quigley’s book. As you read this think about how not wearing hair in a ponytail or wearing hard to cut off clothes would have aided in this situation.