A month or so ago, I got an email from James at The Typical Shooter blog.  He wanted to know if he could do a write up on me and link to the story I wrote for Aaron at Weapon Blog.  I said yes and he did.  If you are interested you can go here.  The article itself does not offer anything new to my story, but he offers his perspective.  If nothing else head on over to check out his other articles.  He has really good stuff and it’s an excellent resource for the new shooters in the groups.

I wanted to thank all of you for heading to She’s a Garand Gal and offering your support.  As you can imagine this has not been easy on her. 

This morning I read over at Say Uncle that Josh Horwitz has a problem with guns and those who own them, even the legal ones. Here is part of that article…

Looman admits that he regularly “open carries” a firearm. Open Carry is not necessary for self-defense–just about every state that allows the practice also has liberal Concealed Carry laws. Open Carry is instead a political statement in the best tradition of John Wilkes Booth, Timothy McVeigh, Sharron Angle and Ted Nugent. The message is, “Voting is peachy, but if we can’t get what we want through the ballot, we reserve the right to administer ‘Second Amendment remedies.'” Such insurrectionist ideology has been spoon-fed to right wing Americans for years by the National Rifle Association (NRA) and its Executive Vice-President, Wayne LaPierre. 

I don’t know enough about the laws or why every single person who open carries chooses to do so and I don’t know enough about John Wilkes Booth, Timothy McVeigh or even the Nug to comment on what political statement they were or are trying to make, but I can comment on the completely insane idea that  legal gun owners go into a voting site or anywhere for that matter with the idea of strong arming others into doing what they want.  If Mr. Horwitz bothered to read a single book or blog or talking to any law abiding, legally licensed gun owner then he would know that not one of them is trying to force anyone into anything.  Actually he does know that.  He is patently aware of all the numbers and the motives of those who legally carry a firearm, but his point is not to inform, it is to scare.

Here is the deal, people who legally own guns are looking to protect themselves from the bad guy. You know the one who is trying to force himself on others.  And by force, I mean grabbing their arm and shoving them onto the pavement and then laying on top of them. I mean by taking out a knife and stabbing someone violently.  I mean busting into a woman’s house after she barricaded the door.  I mean force. In addition, I don’t know a single gun owner that is trying to make a law requiring all people to carry guns.  Sure a blogger or two might reminisce about a time in our country’s history where men were required to carry guns and the people respected The Constitution, but they are not trying to force anything on anyone else. All they want is for the folks that are elected to uphold The Constitution actually do just that.

There is no force or threat by the mere presence of a gun.  If there were my daughter’s bedroom would not be a pigsty right now.  My daughter is 13, she is well aware of the rules.  She knows I will not be pleased and that I am not a pushover and she is gonna have to clean it up.  She also knows I carry a gun and have no problem using it on a bad guy and she knows that no matter how annoyed I get with her constant teenage need to buck the system, I am not gonna use the gun on her.  She has zero fear that I or my husband or our 20 year old son or any of our friends are going to “administer our second amendment” rights as a “remedy” to the problem.  I serve on the PTA and everyone there knows I carry(not at the school) and many of them disagree with me, sometimes passionately and yet not one of them fears I will force my opinion on them by using my gun. The mere presence of my gun(if we are at my house or theirs or at a restaurant) does not intimidate any one of them to change their opinion.  None of them are afraid of me, at all and my gun is right there the whole time. The gun CAN NOT hurt anyone. The gun can not threaten them or force them into anything.  I would have to be the threat.  I would have to decide to use the gun in order to make any kind of force possible. 

The fear is not from the gun or even from Mr. Looman.  No one was afraid of Mr. Looman and no one there thought, not even for a second that they should change their vote because a man with a gun walked into the school.  They are not afraid at all.  Mr. Horwitz has all the facts.  These people like Josh Horwitz are looking for control.  They want to control all the money, all the jobs, all the weapons.  They want to tell you and me how much we are worth and lets be clear, they place very little value on us. These anti gun people want power in every possible way and they are  lying and using fear to get it.  In general if someone intentionally tries to scare me, it usually works.  These people scare the hell out of me and they should scare you too.  If someone lies to you for “your own good”, you might want to think twice about giving them too much power over your money, your freedoms and most especially your safety.

Lastly, I don’t write this post with any hope that Josh Horowitz is going to change his mind, evil rarely does, but I write it for you, the one who might still be on the fence.  If you are not convinced that the anti gun crowd will use any possible means to lie to you go here and read Weer’d’s post.  As you do, think about this, I use what happened to me as a way to say “Hey, I made a mistake” and because I don’t want anyone else to make that same mistake.  I don’t want anyone to be able to hurt you and so I share my ugly mistake and say here are a few things I learned, perhaps they could help you.  You are in full control of whether you want to take those suggestions and nothing that I do is a lie or is used for my own benefit, nothing.  You should look at the people behind the tweets and blogs and see who they are and what they want before you decide to make yourself a sacrificial lamb for their cause. 

I have been wanting to have pictures taken of me and my gun for a while, but I haven’t been able to figure out exactly what I want those pictures to look like.  I am not creative at all.  I am a very linear thinker.  The other day I saw this on the Glock Facebook page

I love it!  This woman is very sexy and strong, but not trashy.  I, of course, do not want to copy her photo, but I think this is the type of picture I would like to do. So I took to the internet to find other images.  You might be surprised to learn I did not find many photos such as these.  What I did find were lots of photos like this

My first thought was, yes, yes, yes, this is exactly how I dress when I am training.  Since I got my new belt holster, I have had to make a few minor adjustments to my training outfits, but this picture pretty much covers it, or uncovers it as it were.  The risk to taking pictures of my actual training regime is that I would be informing the enemy of and thus taking away my tactical advantage.

In a surprisingly short conversation with my husband, we decided that it would not be wise to display so much of my T & A(Tactical Advantage), so the search continues.

Today my husband left work early and we went to the theater to see Act Of Valor.  If you have been reading my blog long then you know this is not my typical choice in a movie, but I wanted to see it very much.  I had read that is was originally intended to be a recruitment video, so I am not sure what I thought it would be, but I guess I pictured people jumping out of helos with upbeat patriotic music in the background.  It is not that kind of movie.

I feel like it would diminish those who serve and sacrifice for our country for me to offer any kind of review and I certainly would not dishonor them by drawing any kind of parallel between what I have been through and what they choose to do on a daily bases, although I will say I do not think it was a coincidence that I saw this movie on this day.

The movie speaks for itself, go see it.

I do not know the exact day that my daughter and I were walking in that parking lot.  I foolishly did not file a police report, I did not go to the doctor, in fact, for for a couple of days I was kind of in a fog.  I know it was the beginning of March and that it was only a couple weeks before my Conceal Carry class, but the exact date I am not sure.  It’s irrelevant really, but here it is March again and that makes it about a year since that day.  The ups and downs have been well documented on this blog, fortunately I think there have been far more good things than bad.  Lets take a look at all that has happened since that day:

I bought a gun.  A Glock .27 to be exact
I took an intense training
I learned to trust myself
I got stronger
I learned to take risks
I learned to forgive myself
I learned the truth is always better than the lie, even if that lie is to protect others.
I shot a lot of guns
I met some incredible people-Do you know I still get several hundred people a week that view that post?
I became stronger
I learned how to take care of myself
I bought enough ammo to arm a small country…shot most of it
I bought a Ruger LCP
I bought a Thompson .22LR for my daughter
I bought a Mosin Nagant
I took 2 more training classes and have a 3rd one scheduled for this month
I introduced a friend to shooting and later this year she will be attending her first training
I contributed to helping a woman get training and a receive whole heck of a lot of gear
I helped support other woman both financially and emotional on their journey to becoming more free
I cussed a bit
I am learning how to stand up for myself
I got a new BFF
I learned I am tougher than I thought
I learned the difference between double action and single action(that was a hard fought battle)
I was reminded of what really matters and how to fight for it
I learned what tongue punch meant(not everything was good)
I learned that it is ok to freak out
I learned I won’t break
I am helping my daughter heal
I am healing
I discovered a new passion
I faced fears and overcame them
I lost 10 pounds
I took chances
I find courage and strength I never knew I had.  I found it in the support and love of others and I found it in myself.  All and all I would say it has been a pretty good year.

“Ever since you started carrying, I am hyper aware of everything going on around me.”-my 13 year old daughter.

On Thursday nights my daughter and I crawl into my bed and we read. She brings her favorite book and I have mine. I make a pot of tea and she gets a plate of cookies, usually something with lemon. About 50% of the time we actually read, but the other 50% we end up chit chatting. Tonight was a chit chat night.

We were not really talking about anything specific. Random things like the heart breaking realization that Justin Beiber is 18 today and it’s now officially illegal for her to date him, should he call.

She started talking about school and her friends and then says, you know what is annoying?

“What?” I say.

“Ever since you started carrying, I am hyper aware of everything going on around me.”. She goes on to explain that she can no longer walk in oblivion, unaware of what might be happening around her and that she feels she has to pay extra attention because no one else is.

I think I’m doing good.

I wanted to give a quick update as to where we are on this class. 

First I want to let everyone know I don’t get anything if this class goes and I lose nothing if it doesn’t.  When I invited Mrs. Jackson to come here, I had already paid in full for her class in Memphis.  I wanted her to come to Virginia because I respect her and I love this community.  I wanted to do what I could to offer another top quality instructor to the folks here and hopefully to bring some publicity to what I consider to be one of the best local resources our area has, FPF Training. That’s it.  That was my entire motivation. I don’t get a stipend and I didn’t have to put anything down to get Kathy to come.  I was offered a spot in the class, but since I already took it and I am a big fan of giving back, I gave my spot to a woman in the community who currently is not able to afford such a class.  I say this, so you can be assured that what I am about to tell you is the truth.

Spots are going quickly.  We still have room, but if you are seriously thinking about taking this course, I would consider making the decision soon.

I am so gosh darn excited!  I can’t wait to meet you all!!

I get a lot of emails.  I guess that term “a lot” is relative.  I don’t know what a lot is, but for me the number of emails I get per day from women and more than a few men is a lot.  Every single day I get emails with people telling me very personal and difficult things that they have experienced.  Many have never told anyone else.  The email to me is often the first time they shared what awful thing they went through.  Some are stories of near misses, some parallel mine and some are so gut wrenchingly awful that it takes me a bit to get through them.  But, I do.  I read every word and offer whatever support I can and I spend an enormous amount of time on my knees for these women. 

I would like to share one of those stories with you.  This is probably going to be a story like you have never read before.  It will probably challenge many of your emotions, but I ask that you take the time to read it.

When you are finished reading the story I would like for you to stop and think how different things could have been if any of the women had a weapon and/ or training.   Then I would like you to consider going here and donating money to help Erin become trained and armed.  I do not normally advertise(although this is the second time in a week) when I donate money to certain causes, but if I am asking you to give then it is fair that you know that I already have.

Everyone here probably knows by now I love my Remora holsters.  I mean I love them.  They are comfortable and work perfectly for my lifestyle, but I have been wanting an OWB holster for a while and I wanted it to be pretty.  My husband loves his from Dragon Leatherworks so much, I thought I would buy another one from them and I am sure I will someday, but one day I read a post by Jennifer about her husband, Michael, designing and donating a holster for one of our service members overseas.  I am a big fan of our men and women who serve our country, so I popped on over to his site and was very impressed with what I saw. 

I sent an email to Michael at The Holster Site and said something like “I want a holster, but I have no clue what I want”.   I might have given him a bit more to work with but not much. I knew I wanted a holster that went on my belt, was low profile, and was girly, but not over the top. He emailed me back right away and we tossed around a few ideas, came up with a price, I sent off the money and a few weeks later I had my brand spakin’ new holster.

I was crazy excited when I got the tracking number and saw the arrival date.  My mailman was not quiet as excited to see me as I was to see him.  One time I was stalking around my house practicing dry fire and he came to the door, ever since then he pretty much just tosses my packages in the vicinity of the porch.  However on that day I met him at the mailbox and snatched the box from his hands.  I was smiling and all “Oh, hi, is that for me?” “I am so happy to see you.”  and he was all “Yeah”, and had a look on his face like, please for the love of God woman just go back into your house.  I guess a hyper active housewife with an enthusiastic look in her eyes and gun makes some people uncomfortable.

I got into the house, ripped open the box, literally.  I am not using that cliched phrase for dramatic effect, I ripped that sucker open. Holy cow, it was awesome.  Since we just talked things over in an email, I didn’t have an image of exactly what the color would be or any specific details, only abstract images in my mind.  I was just trusting Michael to translate my ideas into a workable holster and he did…except, when I went to put it on my belt my son said, “That is a right handed holster”.  “No, no, it’s not.” I assured him.  “Mom, that is a right handed holster”.  I went upstairs got my gun, checked to be sure it was unloaded, tried to put it in my holster, but guess what?  It was a right handed holster.  My stomach sank.

This was my next email to Michael, “I got the holster.”  “It is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen”.  “Unfortunately, I am left handed.”  His email to me.  “AGirl, call me.”

In all the excitement of going back and forth talking about the design, I never mentioned that I was left handed.  I completely forgot to mention it.  Not a word, nothing, nada, zippo.  In case you are new to guns and have yet to order your first holster, I would like to offer you some handy dandy advice…Be sure to tell your holster maker if you are left handed.  Seems obvious, you say?  Well, who asked you?!

Since Michael is an incredibly kind and generous man, he said send it back and I will make you a new one.  I did and he did.  On Monday I received it!  Monday was not a good day for me, so I did not meet  the mailman at the mailbox and it’s probably a good thing because the only worse than an excited housewife with a gun is one with red puffy eyes in sweat pants she has been wearing for 2 days.  I am kind of thinking if I would have met him at the mailbox like that, he would be leaving my packages at the neighbors from now on.

So without further ado…

I know, I know…SHE IS GORGEOUS!!!!!!  I am in love with this inanimate object and yes, I have on occasion over the past few days, just held it up to my nose and breathed in the leather.  I have also opened up the bolt action on Anastasiya and got a little high on her scent as well.  Do not anyone email me telling me how dangerous lead is or the corrosive properties of Russian ammo, I don’t care.  I don’t smoke, I don’t drink a lot, I don’t drive fast, I work out, I eat healthy, I go to the doctor annually for all of those lovely little tests, I take a mutli vitamin, and I carry a gun. I don’t exactly live life on the edge, but regardless of the risks, I am going to sniff my rifle from time to time.

It’s possible, I got off topic again.  Let me bring this back around…contact this man and pray that he is not too busy to make you your own thing of beauty, which also happens to be extremely well made.  I don’t know much about holsters, but I do know quality and folks, this is it. It is still brand new, so I am not wearing it yet, as I am safely breaking it in, but I will give you an update when I put it into actual service. 

Thank you again, Michael!!!!!!

I love you all so much.  I really do.  The emails from you expressing your concern for me are deeply touching. I consider myself very fortunate to have the family and friends that I have and that feeling is extend to you all.

I am not sure I can explain this clearly, but I am going to try.  I am fine.  It’s not an illusion or something I am trying to convince myself of.  I am fine.  More than fine.  This year has had some bad times, down right rough.  It has only been 12 months. I think I said this the last time I kind of freaked. Am I to the point where I am not effected at all by the memories? No, but I am ok with that.  I want to feel.  I do not want to become callus or dead inside.  Yes, I feel pain, anger and sadness, but I also feel love, and joy and passion.  I have hopes and dreams and goals for my future.

When I get mad, hurt, angry or frustrated, I write.  I don’t over eat or under eat. I don’t drink or shop to much.  I do not have thoughts of hurting myself or others, not even the idiot that attacked me.  I am for the most part sleeping and I haven’t had a single nightmare in forever. 

I am a mom and a wife and I have always been protective of those I love.  I try to keep it together for them, but sometimes I need to let it out and so I come here and I write.  I kind of agree with Amy.  I wish I could let it out.  I wish I could yell and scream and cuss and throw something.  But, I can’t.  I would scare my family.  If I acted like that, they would think I had completely lost it and they would worry.  I don’t want them to worry because I am fine.  I can’t write a crazed post on here because you all would worry.  I have only written a couple post that are a little nutty and it draws so much care and concern.  If I ranted and raved I am afraid the Calvary would be sent.  I don’t want to discourage anyone from giving advice or checking on me, I love it, but I do want you to know that at core of who I am, I am more than good. 

Before the attack, before guns were a part of my life, I was concerned with safety. We had an house alarm and we used it, still do.  We locked our doors and we looked both ways before we crossed the street. I always wore my seat belt and I would never get in a car that didn’t have one and anyone who rode with me, regardless of age, had to wear theirs.  I know that wearing a seat belt does not guarantee safety, but it ups the chances and I want to do everything within my power to assure survival should I be involved in an accident.  When we were in China to get our daughter, I had to ride in a van without seat belts. I climbed into a run down vehicle without seat belts and if you have ever been on a freeway in China then you know restraints are a must. I piled my entire family into this death trap on wheel and I didn’t like it, but it is what I had to do, so i did it.  I felt uneasy, but not paranoid.  When we got back into the states and got into our car, I strapped my new child into a car seat and we all buckled up.  I am not afraid to be without my gun. I am uneasy.  I spent 2 weeks completely unarmed when I went to Minnesota.  I went to restaurants and the mall and into a seedy gas stations.  I felt uneasy, but I did it and as soon as I could, I put my gun back on.  Not because I am paranoid, but because I want to do everything I can to ensure survival should I be in a situation that would warrant it’s use.

I do need support.  I do need to hear that I am doing the right things with my daughter and that I am not to blame, but I also need to be able to freak out a little. Reach out to me if you want, that is so nice, but don’t worry.  I promise you I am a survivor. I promise I am human and sometimes weak, but I am not fragile.  I will not break! I don’t mind reassuring you from time to time.  I am not annoyed at all over the concern, I just honestly do not want to cause you anxiety.  Really, I am ok. 

Ok, lets talk about some fun stuff like, guns!!  On Saturday I went to Fairfax Virginia and took a course called Personal Protection in the Home from the Good folks at Innovative Defensive Solutions.  I always am excited at an opportunity to train and to meet knew people, but when I woke up at 4 am to get ready for the class, I was not so excited.  I am not a morning person.  I am not really a night person either as I am usually in bed by 9.  I guess I am more of a mid to late afternoon person, but that is a bit off topic.

When I got to the classroom, I immediately ran into Lynne and got a big hug.  It was so nice to finally meet her in person.  She is the best.  Lynne introduced me to Evan Carson, President and Chief Instructor.  For some reason I was nervous to meet him, but there was no need.  He was nice and I was very comfortable chit chatting with him.  Of course, I had to disarm, which I hate.

I completely understand the need to do this.  I think it makes perfect sense and I know there really is no other safe way to conduct a class, but I still hate it.  For the first few minutes I took a look around the room at the people there, I can tell you where everyone sat and what they were wearing.  I don’t know why I paid attention to that, but I did.  I looked at the windows and the doors.  We were in a hotel and I thought if someone goes on a rampage, I am not in the best spot.  I have no idea, but I am assuming Evan and his partner, Dave were armed, but I would not be their first priority and plus I have this little thing about being able to defend myself.  I felt safe and comfortable there and I was not overly paranoid, but I am just saying I prefer to have my gun.

At the very beginning of the class Evan purposed a question and one of the ladies in the class answered.  Her answer did not sit well with me, so I said something.  I am not going to get into the specifics because it will come out way more dramatic than it was and also, I do not want to open her up to any kind of criticism.  Sometimes you lovely people try to defend me and by doing so, you get feisty with others.  I love that, but she was a sweet, sweet woman and she meant no harm.  The reason I bring it up at all is because it might be the first time I have ever confronted someone.  I can’t say 100% for sure that I have never said something to someone, but if I have it was rare.  I was so nervous about doing it, my hands shook.  I tried to pick up my coffee cup to calm myself and I had to set it back down because the liquid was literally jumping out of the cup.  I think people thought I was upset about the topic, but I was really terrified about speaking up.  After, I had I felt awful and I apologized to her and the instructors about 10 times.  Occasionally I think about the exchange and I cringe.  I didn’t yell or call her names and I probably handled it fine, but in hindsight, I wish I would have handled it differently.  The whole thing lasted about 5 minutes and everyone moved on.

The class itself was fantastic.  Both Evan and Dave Kirchgessner, Vice President and Instructor, are smart, smart, smart guys.  I learned a lot about things I had never thought about.  Like which floors in a hotel not to stay on.  That a bookcase full of books is pretty good cover.  That it is legal in Virginia for a 12 year old child to have access to a firearm.  I learned a lot.

One of the really cool things was that I got to train with Glock laser guns.  I loved that!  I was surprised by the level of detail both Evan and Dave have.  There were 3 of us students standing side by side, picking up our training guns, and shooting and these two men saw everything.  The first time, they walked around and checked our grip, stance, the usual and after a few times of that, we “drew” from the table top.  The guns were on the table, someone would say fight or go or whatever, we each picked up a gun, aimed, fired.  At one point Evan asked me if that was my normal grip.  I looked and said yes and he said, really because earlier it looked like your index finger was a little higher up on the slide.  I looked and he was right.  I had picked up the gun quickly and my grip was not right. 

The class offered a lot if insight to mindset and ideas for thinking out a plan.  They talked about laws and different scenarios.  Very, very helpful information and I really did learn a lot, but I walked away from that class with a valuable bit of information about myself that I didn’t realize until I left there.  I have learned a lot this past year.  I knew a fair amount about the laws in Virginia and how to apply them.  I understood every term they used or lets say 99%.  I learned things, but I was not lost.  That made me feel very confident in myself. 

My favorite part of the class was when we got to go to the range and shoot.  I know that surprises all of you.  The classroom discussion is as important and I did enjoy it, but nothing makes me happier than a loaded gun and a place to shoot it.  The range we went to was the NRA range.  I had never been there before, so I had to take a test and fill out some paperwork.  A lot of people think the test is dumb and I thought it might be, but it was fine.  I knew all the answers to the basic gun rules etc, but I had to use their book to find answers about their specific range rules.  I was happy to have that info because their rules are much different from the indoor range I shoot at and I would have broken several rules had I not had the test.  It’s a good range, but I didn’t like everything about it.  It’s clean and the people are so, so nice, but the parking garage is creepy and dimly lit.  I did not enjoy walking from my car to the range and the place was packed.  A 3 hour wait to shoot.  It is good that so many people were there, but I would not enjoy waiting and waiting.  For one thing, I rarely have that kind of time, so I fear if that were my only choice, I would not get much training time.  Here is what I loved…

The targets move!!!  They have these neat computerized targets that can be set to do different things.  I got so exited about that!  It was crazy cool.  The way things worked out, I got one on one instruction from Dave for about 30-45 minutes.  That was a huge.  He had me do all kinds of things I have never done before.  He set the target to turn to the side and then flip at different intervals.  He stood behind me and called out, 1 shot or 2 or 3.  When the target flipped to face me, I was to shoot before if flipped back.  That was fun.  We also did drills where I was on one knee.  Dave put my gun on the floor, magazine out, then he would say go, I would pick my up M&P, load it, shoot 2 shots, then stand up and shoot 2 more.  He most certainly challenged my skill and my ability to handle a little stress.  The NRA does not allow any pictures of any kind, so I got nothing to prove it, but I did pretty well I think.  When my time was up, Dave said, “I don’t really have much to tell you”.  He was not saying I was the best shooter ever and for me to go apply for Top Shot, I think what he was saying was that I have good solid fundamentals and if I continue working, I will improve.  At least that is what I hope he meant.  I had a blast!!

Innovative Defensive Solutions offers a variety of courses and I would strongly encourage you to attend one or two or all.