Tomorrow morning my family is heading to the Outer Banks, NC for Spring Break. We are lucky in that our vacations are always fabulous. My kids are great travelers both by air and by car. We love stopping at little hole in the wall diners and even if something goes wrong, we seriously, just laugh. I love it, but I will tell you with all the great memories we have had, I have never looked forward to a vacation more.

No real reason other than a busy life and a real desire to just be with the people I love. I am extremely fond of them and I am looking forward to 10 days of spoiling them and loving on them and doing the whole wife/mommy thing without the distractions of normal life.

I might blog, but it’s more likely I will post a quick note here or there on FB.

Try not to do anything funny, fabulous or earth shattering while I am gone. Sure I want you all to go on without me, but not as much as I want to be here for all your ups and downs.

Be safe, watch your six and if all else fails, fight!

I am not a fan of being afraid.  I do think it serves a limited purpose of warning one of danger and that is a good thing, but mostly I think it serves to paralyze us or at least me.

It has been well documented on this blog just how I have let fear control my whole life.  No need to go there again, but it is worth saying that I think I have done a very good job of not only facing my fears, but seeking them out.  Finding what scares me and taking it on. I have loved the confidence and strength it gives me to attack it instead of avoid or or even just deal as it comes. This morning I woke up at 4am and couldn’t go back to sleep, so I opened up a piece of junk email.  For whatever reason I read it all and then clicked on one of the links.  The link led me somewhere and I read this quote...

Don’t manage your fear. Lead your fear. Take charge. When fear climbs on your shoulder and starts nattering in your ear, here’s what you do: You stand master .-Danielle LaPorte


I can not tell you all the ways I love this quote.  You stand master…brilliant.  Good idea.  I think I will.

For the past 2 days I have been afraid to face something.  It doesn’t matter what, but the point is, I have been so afraid that I have been consumed by it and in turn paralyzed by it.


The only person that might have suffered more from my fear than me would be Arete. Unfortunately for him, he was my sounding board and it wasn’t pretty.  The more I tried to talk it through the more afraid I became.  This morning after I had thoroughly worked myself up I decided ENOUGH!  This is no way to live, so I bit the bullet and faced said fear.

I was again reminded that fear is often much worse than the reality.  The issue was resolved beyond my expectations.  I suspect that fear will, at sometime, creep into my life again, but the good thing is that I am getting faster and better and dealing with it each time it does.

The only possible downside is that Arete now has first hand proof that I am a full fledged nut and probably isn’t gonna let me anywhere near a knife, but I am hoping a little crazy is good in the art of learning how to kill.




P.S. I really mean in the art of self defense, but kill is more dramatic and cray like:)

It’s Thursday so I met my husband and his work peeps for an hour of shooting at lunch.  Same ‘ol same.  I am out of cards, so I got a couple of man sized targets and did a lot of low ready, aim, shoot, back down and tried to increase the speed between each low ready, aim, shoot.  Just wanting to see if I could improve my accuracy and get a faster sight picture.  Nothing fancy.

These were shot around 12 yards with the trust M&P 9mm

Things were going along swimmingly except that my gun was only locking back 1 out of the 3 times I emptied a magazine.  Put in a magazine nothing, next one slide would lock back, then next one, nope.  I cleaned my gun like Old NFO suggested. Not the problem. Odd. Just kept shooting until my gun jammed. I did the tap, rack, bang, of course, and nothing.  Drop the magazine, rack, nothing.  No jam, look a little closer at the magazine and bullets start pouring out the top and then this…

So, now I am thinking it is the magazines.  The 2 that came with it seem to be fine, but the 2 I bought later for my trip to Memphis, those are the boogers.

I am finishing up homework with the kiddos and then I am off to say good-bye to Newbius.  I thought I would share my post about the time he took me to the range.  I pray he knew how much his kindness meant to me. 

After My Day At Range I Am Done With Guns

The other day I got an email from a woman who wanted to enter the Give-A-Way and along with her information she included a little bit about why she decided to enter.  This is what she wrote…

I have already got my class picked out if I win! There is a group called CA Gun Girls who have their own office on my local range’s property, and I would love some training from them!

Thank you for what you do. I’m so sorry that you had to go through a traumatic experience; I wish you could have gotten into guns without a perpetrator being involved. I’m new to guns, but just got there because of a disturbing new story involving two bad guys with a hunting knife, and one determined mom with a pistol and a newborn to protect. (Her 20-something husband had died only days earlier of cancer, and these jerks were ramming down her door to presumably steal his pain mess.) She successfully killed one and the other fled. But what would I do? Be left a victim. Nope. So I took the basic NRA class and want to keep going! As you can see from my address, I live in a gun-hostile state. I cannot even get my dream gun – Glock 19, Gen 4, bec they only allow the Gen 3s. I cannot carry concealed because I have no “reason” to. So, I am pretty limited but want to learn anyway. Because in the next few years my husband will be moving on to the next rung on the ladder of his career, and maybe, just maybe, we will end up in red state!

I loved that she was being proactive in her life, so I asked her if I could share her story.  I think it’s great when a woman takes control and does something to prepare herself before the bad guy has a chance to strike.  She said sure I could share and then sent me an email she sent to The Cornered Cat.  It adds a little more to her story.

Dear Kathy,

I just discovered you 2 days ago and I feel like I owe you so much! Your wonderful, wonderful site has addressed every imaginable concern a woman could have regarding the proper safety/care/use of firearms. Couple that with masterful writing (and impeccable grammar, which is probably my love language) and you have THE most valuable site online for your audience.

Just the night before I discovered the Cornered Cat, I forced my husband to listen to me ruminate once again about all the reasons I was afraid to “pull the trigger” and get that Glock. He has no aversion to me owning and practicing with a firearm – he was raised on a farm in Minnesota and shot/hunted with the men in his family. It is ME who needs convincing that I should be trusted with such a responsibility.

I grew up in rural North Dakota where guns are part of life. Somehow, I managed to avoid exposure to them while my dad and siblings went hunting with rifles and shotguns and took classes called “Hunter Safety.” My friends and their families all hunted with guns, I had access to friends’ farms had I the notion to learn and practice, and my high school boyfriend’s dad was a gunsmith – just think of how rich my early education could have been! But no. Instead, I find myself in my early 30s just beginning to learn about all things handguns.

My sister and I had been wanting CC permits for some time. We married men whose jobs took us far from our the safe land of North Dakota, where keys are left in the ignition and homes are never locked. My sister is on the east coast, and I find myself on the west coast. Our cities are very different from the town of 300 we knew and loved. When this story broke around New Year’s this year was the final straw for us. http://www.kfor.com/news/kfor-blanchard-woman-shoots-and-kills-intruder-20120101,0,2752550.story. This amazing young woman said something that reverberated through me – “There is nothing more dangerous than a mom with a baby.” She’s right. I am a law-abiding citizen who would not even be intentionally rude…but all that goes right out the window if I think you are after my child.
 
Having wanted to learn about handguns, married to a very busy man and wanting an effective way to protect myself and my little sons, I knew then that it was time to enroll in class. But I was scared because I thought, “You know, if you don’t grow up using guns, you probably shouldn’t try to learn later in life. How can you really catch up? No patriarch to guide you, you must trust the stranger teaching the class and hope you digest all the vital information from the textbook.” But I did it because I figured if I didn’t want to continue with it, at least I’d be richer for the experience. I’m so glad I just made myself do it. That NRA Basic Pistol class was lots of fun. And it made me think, “I like it! I can do this.”

I came home, threw myself online and started to learn all that I could. Then I got scared again; there were terms I had never encountered, freak accidents being reported, and naysayers that thought women should leave the guns to men. I’m a registered nurse who spent time working in an ER; I have seen what bullets do to human flesh. I have 5 and 3 year old boys; I live in a town home – would I be able to even use my gun without fear of hurting my sons or my neighbors? I had gone from being so excited to learn something new (I’m presently a stay at home mom, and I rarely am away from the kids) to feeling foolish for entertaining such wild notions about range practice and having a lethal weapon around. I felt guilty about spending the extra money, or for knowing I’d need to be away from my family to practice at the range (no way am I bringing them there if I want to get any shooting done). I made myself sign up for the next class so I couldn’t quit out of fear, and then began badgering my husband about whether I should have a gun or not.

I felt such sweet relief when I began to read the Cornered Cat’s content. Here was a site that understood how I felt and the challenges that I was encountering! Turns out, being a woman who has children and who is a novice does not mean that she does not deserve to learn about and practice with firearms! I was scared to carry before, but I now think that would be a very good option for me in the future, after further study and experience. I cannot carry right now, because my county forbids it for almost everyone. One has to appear before a judge and state the reason one needs to carry. It is so specific; one man I know, who carries tens of thousands of dollars on his person could not obtain one because he doesn’t also carry jewels! We don’t plan to live here for more than a couple of years, but the next place I live will hopefully allow CC.

How cool is she?  Now, she didn’t win the contest, but I hope she will get some training anyway.  Feel free to offer her words of praise and encouragement.

We had just 49 entries this time.  49 women who said, today I am gonna take a chance and do something positive for my own safety.  Could not be happier.  Of course, I wish I had 49 Give-A-Ways to give away, but I sure hope that if you didn’t win you will still seriously consider getting some training.

I met the girl from Girls With Guns at the range this morning.  It has been a few months since we have had the chance to meet up, so I was thrilled when our schedules meshed.  Love her!! 

This time we decided to get our own lanes and do our own thing.  I have never done that before, but it was nice. I like sharing a lane because I get a chance to watch the other person, ask questions and chit chat, but it is also good to just focus and shoot.  There isn’t much to report about the shooting itself.  I shot a few plain round black targets to warm up and did the deck of card thing again.  Took my targets down to the 25 yard line again and again did not hit any cards, but came really really close. 

The shots all around these two cards were the ones at 25 yards. The shots that made it on the cards were at 15 yards and I was going back and forth.  I shot the top card, then shot the bottom, then back up to the top.  Shot one magazine doing that at a fairly quick speed, but not rapid. I think I got 13 out of 17 on a card.

I shot with my off hand and one handed just cuz. I also shot a few magazines with both eyes open.  That was rough, but eventually I was able to shoot close where I was aiming.  Getting a follow up shot was tougher.

This was my target at 10 yards with both eyes open.  Sorry it is fuzzy.

Nothing to write home about, but I felt good.  The only issue was that my gun is no longer sliding the action back on the last round.  I kept tap, rack, banging only to find an empty magazine.  I shot 211 rounds of 9mm out of the ol’ M&P.  Good times!

After the range we headed out for lunch so we could, you know, eat.  My food was not good.  I didn’t even eat it, but the company was so stellar I didn’t mind.  We talked family, kids, husbands, life, the usual girl stuff.  We also talked guns and mindset.  We shared stories of how some people in our lives can not quite get why we shoot and that some down right disapprove.  Somehow that led us into a discussion on mindset and coming to terms with the idea of actually taking another life in defense of our own.

We both said that it is something we would never, ever want to have to do and that is why we spend so much time learning all the fine art of situational awareness and how get the heck out of dodge before anything goes down, but that if there was no other way out, we would would defend our lives.

I am reading Chris Kyle’s book, American Sniper and I mentioned how learning about his mindset has helped me with mine.  I don’t pretend to understand how a sniper’s mind works or how it thinks, but Mr. Kyle shares a lot in this book and reading about a sniper, his thoughts, his feelings and emotions has helped me tremendously to get my mind straight.  Since I have spent the last year being in turmoil, I have tried to ready my mind as much for the aftermath of a shooting as I have to avoiding an attack and how to act should a confrontation become unavoidable.  I really want the bad guy to take as little from me as possible.  I don’t want him to rob me of my life or it’s joy, so my approach to self defense is all encompassing.  Be aware, avoid, deescalate if possible, but if not fight, fight, fight, and then live.

I know there are a whole host of legal issues that would follow and I am not saying that any confrontation would be a cake walk, but I am saying that thinking about what I am willing to do to save my life and coming to terms with that now can only help me with the coping in the end. 

It was nice to have that conversation with her.  She is one strong, smart, level headed woman and she is one good mama.  Plus she is funny, kind and can shoot!! I am fortunate to be able to call her friend.

Just a few quick notes before I go check my gun and range bag for the third time as I am off soon to meet my friend at The Range and then we have a lunch date.

Today is the last day for the Give-A-Way.  You have until midnight tonight to enter.  I will draw and notify the winners Tuesday April 3rd.!! By this time tomorrow we will have two women on their way to having more freedom in their lives.  They will be one step closer to being more prepared to take care of themselves and that is just fricken awesome!  Can’t wait!!

This morning I opened my email and waiting for me was a note from a gentleman that sends me all kinds of information about guns, shooting, and self defense. I always look forward to what he has to say and I almost always learn something.  Today’s email led me to Bayou Renaissance Man’s blog.  It included a link to this post which if you are even remotely interested in self defense you should read.

After reading my email and the above mentioned post, I popped over to my Facebook.  I always head straight to The Cornered Cat’s page(you all know I have an obsession wit her).  I have NEVER visited her page a single time without reading something thought provoking, inspiring, funny and sometimes down right life changing.  This morning she had a link to an article on her web page written by guest author, Frank Ettin.  The article discusses the legal issues behind Stand Your Ground and The Castle Doctrine.  Everyone should read it, but especially if you are new to guns. 

Hopefully most of you have had the good fortune of finding your way to guns by some other means than a bad guy encounter. My entire journey here has been a desperate and emotional roller coaster ride.  All I wanted to do was learn to protect myself and my family.  I wanted a gun and I wanted to know how to use it, but one doesn’t have to be around to long to realize nothing with guns or self defense is that black and white. As my life is getting back on track and I am becoming less emotional and more deliberate, I am able to focus my mind and training beyond my trigger finger.  If you are just beginning your journey then I would highly suggest spending as much time learning about the laws and legal ramifications of defending your life as you do on aiming and mindset.   There is a lot to learn, but don’t panic, it will come in time. I am not good at putting that particular advice into practice, but it is good advice nonetheless and if you can relax and take things step by step you will be much better off.

So, enter The-Give-Away, go do so some not so light reading and enjoy your day!!

I have been wracking my brain all day trying to figure out where on earth the rod for my M&P backstrap could be.  It just did not make sense that it could fall out.  I talked it over with John and  he could not imagine how it would fall out either.  When I hung up the phone from John, for whatever crazy reason, I thought maybe I should check the case that holds all my cleaning gear and guess what…there it was sitting right on top.  I didn’t even have to move a single item to find it. I have been carrying my gun for at least a week without the rod in it.  I seriously pride myself on my attention to detail. Not in say writing this blog.  I don’t have time to re read and edit.  Way to crazy busy and it’s not that important to me, but in things that matter like my health, my kids, and guns I am obsessive. Our safety is paramount, so I check and recheck the doors and alarms. Everything in our house is organized.  Our bills, our wills, our other important information is meticulously filed. My husband forgot to pack ammo once for a range trip(it was packed, but the boxes were empty), but I never forget anything because I check a million times.   I swear I saw the rod in the gun yesterday morning, but clearly I didn’t.  Idiot. Anyway, good news is my gun is not crap and the issue is fixed.

My hubby and I went to the range to scratch my itch to do a little training.  I brought my M&P 9mm and a deck of cards as per Mr. Arete’s suggestion.  The point of the drill is to help me (or anyone) identify a target and shoot under a little stress.  The drill is to put a variety of cards up and have someone call out different cards and then for me (or anyone) to shoot, hopefully the same target that was called.  We were at an indoor range that was busy and loud, loud, loud.  There was no way I would have been able to hear my husband call out the numbers so we modified the drill.  Basically, I just shot from low ready at a variety of different targets.  The way we modified it does not have the same stress factor, but it was more than just point and shoot at the same ol’ paper targets.

This is just a warm up at about 5 yards.  I just took a couple shoots at random cards.

 This is the modified drill at 7 yards.

 At 15 yards. I didn’t shoot at one card the whole time.  I switched between several at a fairly quick pace.  Not fast or rapid, but I didn’t take much time between each sight picture and shot.  I really love the reset on my trigger.

15 yards with my husband’s Glock .23(.40 S&W) You can see my group is not as tight.  That time I was just shooting at the 5 of Hearts.

At 20 yards. The shots off the cards are not mine.  Might have been from when I was trying to shoot at 25 yards.

Beyond 20 yards I didn’t hit hardly any targets.  I had a fresh set of cards up, but there were a lot holes in the paper, so I couldn’t tell where my shots went, but I know they didn’t hit where I was aiming.  Well, a couple did, but not many.  It’s the same problem as always.  I can’t see.  Even when I just slow down to take the shot, breath and do not worry about time or speed, I can not hit the target, ever. 

We shot about 350 rounds between the two of us and I feel so much more relaxed. However, I still can’t wait for Easter to be over.

I am the tiniest bit excited about learning some knife moves and by a tiny bit, I mean I literally can not stop thinking about it. I am trying not to annoy Mr. Arete by texting him every 2.5 seconds, so to occupy my mind this morning I decided to check out YouTube. Let me say I probably should not have done that. It looks scary and I am kind of thinking no amount of training is gonna be enough. I know some training is better than nothing and I am sure it will help my mindset to be tougher, but I am kicking myself for waiting so darn long to learn how to take care of myself. Which is why I think I get antsy for training. Any training. I was the same way before I left for Memphis and I am the same with John. I nag him all the time.

The other problem I am having is that last night when I took my gun off, the backstrap came off in my hand. The piece that holds it into place is gone. I am completely perplexed as to how that could happen because when I try to remove that piece for cleaning or to change the backstrap it is nearly impossible to do so. I can’t imagine how it twisted and then fell out. I have looked everywhere and can not find that much needed piece. I know it was there yesterday morning when I put my gun on and it was securely in because I checked when I inserted the magazine. It’s odd and somewhat nerve wracking.

We had some room in our schedule open up, so my new plan for today is to tape up my gun, head to the range, try out one of Mr. Arete’s drills and try to settle my mind.