In Which I Apologize

I have been thinking about how to write this post without it appearing like I am trying to skirt responsibility or make light of a mistake I made.

I believe that I am nice. In fact, I think one of my major flaws is that I am nice. I think being nice is, in part, what screwed me that day in the parking lot. Not completely and not to take away responsibility for what I didn’t do that day, but nonetheless, I am nice.

I like being nice. I have been hurt and I have never wanted to be hurtful to someone else. I am not perfect, so of course, I have, but I consciously try not to be mean and hurtful. I have unfortunately had a whole lot of not nice in my life and I try very hard not to be the kind of person that takes advantage of the moment and causes another person harm.

I have had, rarely, someone make comments on their blog or mine that were unkind and mostly based on a misunderstanding of the facts (although I don’t believe he/she cares much about facts) and while it doesn’t bother me, I prefer kindness.

So, here I am this ‘nice” person trying to find her way between standing up for herself and being kind and sometimes I fail.

I saw the picture of a lovely lady holding a gun in a manner I truly believe to be unsafe and scary and I reacted in an unkind way. I knew almost immediately that what I said was not me. The next day I included my thoughts in a post about how I regretted not my message, but my snark because I knew my previous post was not how I want to treat people.

Today the photographer of that photo contacted me in a rather upset way and asked me to remove the photo. I did and she sent a very pleasant email thanking me and the matter was finished. No legal action was going to take place. Full stop. End of it. This is not about her or her email. It is about me temporarily being someone who I am not and wanting to say I am sorry to the young lady in the photo.

I do honestly believe that, that photo could have dangerous and negative effects on new and naive shooters, but the reality is, I could have and should have handled that concern in a more responsible and caring manner.

I hate that I hurt someone and it really doesn’t much matter if you are an asshole on purpose or just a chick with a blog…mean is mean. Harming someone in any manner is not a good thing.  I am deeply sorry that something I said did just that.


21 thoughts on “In Which I Apologize

  1. I understand what you are trying to say… least I think I do. And….I applaud your motives or reasoning for doing so. That said…..I don’t care who, when, where, or why… some time nobody can avoid hurting someone’s feelings. Maybe that is the real problem with today’s society. This “PC” kind of stuff. It ain’t real! Life is not always a bowl of cherries. I know…I know….believe it or not, I always try to put the best construction on everything. BUT, that doesn’t mean I HAVE to do it. Far from it….If I have a gripe or complaint….maybe even have a radically different view of something than someone else does….I will say it in no uncertain terms. After all, if someone really ticks me off they will know about it, and I could care less if their feelings are hurt. Why? Well…..I look at it this way, we do have free speach…I think…the way the mainstream media talks…well….nuff said. Anyhoo….maybe if more folks said what they are really thinking we wouldn’t have all the “stress” that seems to be so prevalant today. Just my two cents worth……:-)

  2. One, copying is the most sincere form of flattery… nice choice on the title. 😉

    Two don’t worry about it. You called the situation exactly as you saw it. Honestly I wasn’t too thrilled by that picture either as you saw in my comment. Don’t worry about it, don’t fret about it, don’t even feel upset about it. So someone was upset with you, it’s what happens when you stand up for something.

    I am a bit surprised the photographer asked you to pull the photo instead of just standing behind her work. I understand (and thank you)* for pulling it down but I would think it would be better for her to defend it or admit a screw up gracefully. I applaud her greatly for being polite about it, I find it’s chilling effect of the discussion of the safe handling of firearms and modeling quite bad though.

    *Email inbound when I get home.

  3. 1) I don’t think you were snarky. 2) you were spot on. 3) you weren’t PC so you gave yourself a small undeserved guilt trip. PC is BS. so don’t sweat it. 4) the photog is trying to lay another guilt trip on you for exposing his/her stupidity. 5) You did nothing wrong! The fault lies with the photog and the model.
    I subscribe to Col Coopers rule one… ALL GUNS ARE ALWAYS LOADED!
    Uncle Marc says so.
    have a great weekend, you deserve it.

  4. OK kiddo, here it is, being nice is an admirable character trait but an informed and practical mindset based upon life experiences coupled with being nice is better. It is allowable and encouraged to express an opinion on firearms handling and safety among other shooters and trainers. That’s what you did and for the photographer to take offense to this was an indication of their inability to accept criticism in a positive manner. The bottom line is you’ve nothing to apologize for so don’t, you were asked to remove a picture and did, and that’s it. I realize that you are trying to grow as a person while improving your abilities to better protect yourself and others. You’re also trying to improve your mental resilience to conflict. All of this is good but one other thing for you to do is learn to not wear your feelings on your shoulder, it’s all water on a ducks back. If your husband hasn’t already told you this then I’d be very surprised so instead accept this in the spirit of friendship that’s intended.

  5. Agreed with all of the above. I could tell you were a little steamed at the apparent disregard for gun safety, which is your right. The photographer asked for it to be taken down, which is their right. And that’s where it ended, as far as I can tell no threats or other escalation or anything, just two adults who were polite and respectful, irregardless of their own personal opinions. You expressed your opinion of the photo, without going into frothing-at-the-mouth rants regarding the safety, the state of undress, the lineage of the photog in question, etc etc. Your post was well reasoned and logical, and read as a sorta warning on how to handle a gun and why even in a studio setting with an unloaded or dummy firearm should all the proper safety precautions be taken. There’s absolutely nothing that needs to be apologized for.

    …except for maybe the lack of overall boobage on your blog. But that’s just my opinion. :evilgrin:

  6. As much as firearm safety is ingrained in you being a firearms instructor and having received your instructor rating from the NRA, you only did what any other conscientious instructor would do when you saw the picture of someone doing something unsafe. You were right and justified in your reaction and response. You did nothing wrong or inappropriate.

    As far as being “snarky” and not so nice, don’t worry about it, just be yourself. You can’t do any better than that. Don’t worry what other people may think.

    • I honestly don’t care what someone thinks of me. If someone is rude to me then I almost always move on, but if I behave like them, in a manner that is unkind, then I beat myself up a little. I need to work on that:)

  7. I ALWAYS try to be nice and kind. Even as the NCO incharge on a weapons range I’d be nice. I’d point out a “mistake” somebody was making and expect them to not do it again.
    However, if they argued or said:”Well, this is how I always do it” then I’d get nasty.
    The other night at the range I was trianing some new shooters. I knucklhed beside us was shooting too fast (and missing the target) so I told him “no rapid fire”. He argued, and I said “it’s a rule, you signed the rule sheet, go read it.”
    later, he took his pistol off the line and pointed it at me and everybody else. I was nice and explained “don’t point the gun at other people, move your case up to the line and put the gun….”
    He cut me off and said “it’s on safe.”
    I used my old NCO voice and said “I don’t give a shit, you just pointed it at me, if you do that again, you’ll see that weapon up you ass.”

    He left and never came back.

      • It’s not so much the voice, but having a magazine of good words already loaded that you can slip into your mouth and fire as needed. Practice in the mirror first. Watch Full Metal Jacket and write down some of the things “Gunny” says and use them later.

Comments are closed.