More Than One Way To Fight

Last week I read an article by Greg Ellifritz about Timing during an attack. It’s a very good article and you really should read it.

Greg talks about his experience training people. He has found that many of them do not see themselves as worthy of defending. I have heard that from several other instructors as well, so I am sure it is true, but for me, that was not my issue.

You know I have spent a great deal of time trying to figure out why I didn’t fight back when I was mugged. During the process I heard this theory before, “people don’t think their life is valuable” and because I was so passive, I thought that must be what my problem was. “I can’t hurt him, so I must being placing a higher value on him than me.” Seems logical, but in my case it was something completely different.

I do not now nor have I ever had low self esteem. I have always, for the most part, liked who I was and I believed my life had value. What I didn’t understand was that it was ok to hurt someone in defense of that value. For me I had two factors at work. A very violent childhood that left a very nasty taste in my mouth.  I did not want any part of that life inside my home as an adult. I practiced a life of passiveness. I practiced it so long that it became how I reacted “instinctively.” I put that in quotes because I think people believe that instinct means only what you are born with and it can’t be changed or influenced, when in fact it can. Mine has changed drastically over the last 15 months.

The other reason is that I was raised to believe that in order to be safe I should do what the bad guy wanted. It wasn’t that the bad guy had more value, but my parents believed that if a person complied with the bad guy and gave him the car, money, whatever, then in the end the person’s life would be spared. They truly believed that. No surprise that my parents were raised in violent households. These things tend to get passed on. In their houses as in mine, the best way to deal with a violent, drunk, abusive parent was to comply. I didn’t think my parents had more worth, but I learned quickly that the punching stopped quicker if I just said nothing or promised to stop doing whatever pissed them off in the first place.

Not fighting back for me was the result of learned behaviors on how to survive a lifetime of violence, not as the result of thinking my life had no value.

The second part of the article talks about the knee jerk reaction of some people to believe that the gun is the be all end all answer to ever situation. I hear this all the time. People ask me why I bother carrying a knife or learning combative because the reason they carry a gun is to avoid all that other messy self defense crap. “I will just whip my gun out and blow their brains out.” Or maybe not.  I think training to be effective with your gun is paramount which is why I do it, but knowing when it might not be the best solution is just as important.

I make this claim all the time. No matter what if I am ever attacked again, I will fight back and I mean that. But to me “fight back” means make a conscious choices about how best to survive. It may be to wait or feign compliance. It may be to run, avoid, lie, pretend, punch, kick, shank, shoot, or all of those things, but regardless of what I do or don’t do, it won’t be nothing.

What I did in the parking lot was nothing.  Not because I didn’t punch and kick, but because their was no conscious thought.  I did not make a choice that said not kicking, not screaming, not fighting back is what will be best for my and my daughter’s survival. The problem wasn’t my actions or inaction, but it was in my lack of  thinking. I allowed him to be in full control. I never even thought of an option. I freely and willing handed him over my money, my body, my will without so much as a one second thought.  That is my definition of not fighting back.

In general I think most cases will require some action on my part. Running, screaming get back, or something more aggressive, but I may “fight back”, by choosing not to fight. If I see that as my best option, so be it, but it will be a choice as a result of doing something…thinking. Either way, the outcome is not guaranteed. The bad guy may get my money, my body, my life, but he will never again get my will.

Go read the article if you haven’t already. It just may help you survive or at the very least get you to think.

21 thoughts on “More Than One Way To Fight

  1. Don’t know if it is just me or a problem. I can get to your posts from your FB page but they are not showing up in my Google reader even though I have unsubscribed and resubscribed twice. I will keep you updated with the next post

    • FB had been having issues the past few weeks, give them some time and they hopefully will have it sorted out, I know with FB mobile on Android, we have had 22 updates since timeline was rolled out, however its not WordPress its FB

    • I’m looking into the problem right now. I think there might be a feed delay for some of the readers updating.

      The raw feed off of the site has the latest post in it. My google reader for some reason does not.

      I’m going to mess around on the back end a bit to try and get it to update faster.

  2. Very well stated, I have people that think I carry because I have a weak faith in God, i’m sorry, I do not, my faith is strong add ever, I carry because I an retired Boeing CID, one, I am legally able to carry, anywhere, anytime, as long as I declare it in a federal building, school, or aircraft

    However I know the bad guys don’t follow the rules, the Bible says, as a man of God, I am to defend the weak, the oppressed, women and children up to and including with my life

    if I go down, I’ll go down fighting, both my brothers retired gunnys taught me how to box, so I have options to use, I also have an taser x26, a have a S&W auto open blade, military rule 7, never leave home without a knife

    The gun is not the end all be all, it is really a false sense of security, 99% of the time, I never draw it in altercations with mostly rude drunks staggering all over, and getting verbal, your intelligence is the greatest weapon, but as my Daddy says, you made the choice to kill something before you pulled the gun out of the holster

    For the curious, we all enjoy sharing our weapons
    My regular carry is a 1992 H&K USP LEM, .40 Mod “C” manual decock, no safety, double stack, 14+1, I have genuine black talons, it is magna ported, tritum sights, laser max, laser pin, a Wilson combat trigger job, 4lb break

    My backup is a Ruger .380 LCP, running hydrashok, and a custom trigger job,

    I was given a Bill Wilson Carry, by Wilson Combat Custom shop for Christmas last year by a buddy, she is One fine weapon

    I am very interested in the FN 57 as a fulltime carry pistol something intriguing about a .223 in an lightweight frame, that has excellent ballistics, performance and accuracy, your thoughts??

    Thank you for let me ramble, I love both your FB pages and your blog, and promote you as much as I can

    • Hi! Thanks for sharing so much and for the kind words. As to the FN 57 let me say I have never shot or even seen this gun in person. I have read several articles in the past, but probably am not your best resource. Having said that, my first thought is maybe not the best carry piece. I would never tell anyone what their EDC should be. It’s a very personal choice and if someone feels comfy with an FN 57 then go for it. For me, I want a gun that has a history of being reliable(a somewhat subjective term) in a caliber that is readily available and is “simple”. By simple I mean no manual safety or lots of things going on. My EDC serves one purpose, to go bang when I need it, so I want to draw it from my non-retention holster, put my finger on the trigger and squeeeeeze.

      I feel very comfortable talking about shooting and in my skills shooting, but specific guns and the ins and outs of ammo, not so much. I emailed my friend Keads, told him my thoughts and asked what he thought. At first I missed your .223 comment and we were both focused on the 5.7x28mm. I thought, I wonder if that would just fly through a person and leave nice clean holes. Of course there are lots of stories of people being killed with one shot of a .22 that flew through the big bad dude, but if I can get a little more gusto from my cartridge as it passes through the creep, I kind of like that. Also, not sure of the availability of that round. Keads was not concerned about the round itself. It’s a light load and he figured it would do its job, but availability, that was a concern. But then you were talking about the .223, so who cares. The .223 is, of course available, but really I don’t know. I have super smart, experienced readers, so hopefully someone will educate us both.

      I am a big, big, big fan of all guns. If I had more money I would buy all kinds maybe even a FN 57, but for me personally, not a carry gun. Of course, my opinion is really just that and I would not put a lot of stock in it:)

  3. Another cause of people not trying to defend themselves is simple shock. I have known people who have been attacked and afterwards said that they didn’t do anything because they didn’t know how to react. These were usually people who had been sheltered from most physical violence, and when confronted with it were shocked and dumfounded that it was happening to them.

    • Thanks. I like articles that are informative without a lot of bull and can easily be applied. The author of that article is skilled at doing just that.

  4. “He has found that many of them do not see themselves as worthy of defending. ”

    Well like Mal, in the show ‘Firefly’, if I don’t come back, COME GET ME!!!

    Bet your bibby I’m worth defending. Now I would not like having a bunch of people die trying to save my posterior but yea, if you can, get me out!

    As for fight .vs. no fight read ‘A Book of Five Rings’. And learn how to win by letting go the sword (not always but it is a method to win fights if the conditions are right.)

    And the gun as a be-all. Well, again as Miyamoto Musashi wrote, “The sprint is to WIN whatever the weapon and whatever its size.” And “You win battles by knowing the enemy’s timing, and using a timing which the enemy does not expect.”

    The gun is just a method toward a solution. It is not the solutions itself.

    But you must study this.

  5. Pingback: Repost from A Girl And Her Gun: More Than One Way To Fight | The Official Guns Over Texas Radio Blog

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