Originally I thought after an AR “shopping” day  with M, I would write a fun post about the guns or  some cool  salesman or not, but it turns out the guns were the least cool thing about the day.

Many of you know that M has not been overly excited about shooting or dealing with the cruel realities of life. For 12 1/2 years she was raised by me and was not so fond of guns. I am blessed with kiddos that respect me and value my opinion. If I say something they listen and often follow that example.  That is good, but when one changes a stance, a stance they held strongly to, it is not so easy to accept the new view. Especially when that view is the polar opposite of what had been held.

As a mother I tried to balance my desperate desire to help her see the errors of my way and also understand her concerns, fears, and conditioning. It has been a struggle.

I have been very lucky that no one, not a single person has made me feel awful about the choices I made that day in the parking lot. Well, no one except the bully in my head. I have felt such sadness about E and then M. It is true there is no worse enemy than yourself (no disrespect to the Marines). I want M to get it, but as has been discussed here before, you can’t make someone feel a certain way.

I so wanted M to learn from my mistakes. To not find herself in a bad guy situation and not know what to do.  I wanted to show her how to at least be aware, but it was not something she was ready to face. She is a kid afterall.  She has been feeling a feeling I know all to well and finding a balance between “you will shoot” and not pushing too hard has been a daily struggle.

The odds of her getting in a sticky situation are low, but then I know odds are worthless and when it is your child, my child, how comforting are odds??

So, here I am saying you don’t have to like it, but you have to learn safety and basic self defense skills. My taking her to work and not pushing her to put the damn iPhone down. Me wanting to point out every crazed nut case in our town, but not wanting to scare my sweetie pie because a scared sweetie pie is not a secure sweetie pie. Me trying to be calm and patient, but wondering if the damage I have done is to insurmountable to undo.

I have few answers. I literally function by the seat of my pants when it comes to M and guns. I often wonder if I push too hard. If I don’t push hard enough.

She is this great kid, this great person. She is her mother’s child, though and she is stubbern.

On a whim today I asked my straight A, honor student, advanced class daughter what she had in school today. She said blah, blah, blah. Basically, she was ahead in A, B, and C, so I asked if she wanted to do “research” with me (aka shop AR’s). To my surprise she said yes.

After a full day of shopping we went to lunch. Over a salad she said, “I think I would like to shoot that .22.” “Those rifles scare me, but I want to get better with the pistol.”

Me- I have nothing going right now. Let’s go shoot.

M- I don’t like indoor ranges. Can I shoot with John?

Me- Of course, yes.

M- This weekend.

Me- Absolutely. Yes. Done.

Now, I hadn’t spoke with John and so I probably should have checked first, but my daughter asked to shoot and I needed to encourage her, so I crossed my fingers and said, “yep”.

John, without knowing any details beyond, “Can I bring M and can she shoot after the class?”, said yep.

It is the very first time that she, of her own free will, asked to shoot. I didn’t force or convince her. She wants to shoot. Not to please me or appease me but because she wants to learn more about how to protect herself.

There are no words.

I like to shoot, Ok, I love to shoot. If fun and pleasure were all this was about, M, would not hear a word from me, but that is a luxury I don’t have. Shooting is much more and it always will be.

There are long lasting effects from the choices we make. There is often no way to know or predict what those may be. I certainly had no clue, but today my daughter asked to shoot. Today, she took her own step forward. Today she decided she wanted to do something positive to ensure her own safety.

Today is a good day.