I received the sweetest email from a concerned reader. He thought it might be in my best interest to not write when I am struggling because it opens me up to negative comments and criticism. He didn’t want me to be embarrassed. I always appreciate when someone genuinely has concern for me, but I am not embarrassed.
This blog is an accurate and honest journal of my healing process. That process is not always pretty and it would be a lie for me to pretend it was. I know there are so many strong folks out there, many of them women and many who have handled their situations better and I applaud them for that, but there are also many more who, like me, have found the healing to be a bit more work.
Colonel Grossman has this to say…
Conditioned fear can be extremely difficult to extinguish. It cannot be eliminated through passive deterioration or even active attempts to do so. Even if it seems that it has been extinguished, stress may cause it to reappear. What this means is that giving warriors the experience of losing in a simulation actually begins to condition a risk aversion pathway in the brain to which they may turn during similar experiences in the future—they may actually stop fighting and give up as they were programmed to do in training.Lt. Col. Dave Grossman, On Combat …
Conditioned fear can be EXTREMELY difficult to extinguish…It cannot be eliminated…even active attempts to do so.
Not being able to overcome 30 years of fear conditioning is not a matter of lack of will power or drama. It takes times and a lot of work to change those neural pathways.
It is why I am relentless in my nagging of John and Arete to train. It’s not just something that is fun, that I like to do, it is something I need to do. I need it. I need to actively change my neural pathways.
It is why I am very stubborn about not being coddled in training. Coddling actually achieves the opposite of the intended goal.