to every one’s favorite pony aficionado, Erin
Erin recently wrote a post about having a hard day. We all have hard days, but those days are made even tougher when we let the bullies, the insensitive, the liars, the fakes, and the cowards get to us.
It is hard not to let them. Most are so skilled at being awful that they often have the upper hand.
When I first wrote my Open Letter post, I, for the first time received a ton of criticism and then after I broke my ribs, for the first time saw just plain meanness(I often use these 2 examples because they are the only two I have. I fortunately have not had a lot of meanness, so excuse the repetition). I was attacked not simple for training differently, but because it was easy. Being mean is extremely easy. I was called names, belittled and picked on, but it was OK because it was snarky and funny and I write a blog, so fair game.
I surprised myself at how little those comments bothered me. I remember reading them and not being upset or hurt nor did I feel like crying. That was not my normal reaction to events like that. I am perpetually nice and caring and sensitive, but for the first time I truly did not give a flying flip. It felt good.
In the comments of Erin’s post was left this…
John Galt- “When you can say “Fuck The World” and mean it, you free yourself up to make REAL friends.
No, you won’t have many. The concepts of honor, loyalty, empathy and all the others that make up a true friendship, have been drained out of most of the people in our crumbling society. This, however, makes the friends you do find even more precious.”
I could not agree more and I don’t think one has to become hardened or mean in order to achieve that freedom. It isn’t so much how I treat people or how I prepare my heart against harm as it is convincing my mind that I am good enough and the opinion of so and so just doesn’t make one ounce of difference.
Ironically, reading Erin’s blog and the comments she left here and else where had a huge impact on my ability to do just that.
I envied her writing and her no-nonsense ability to be who she was/is. Many nights I would read the nastiness of someone else and have to fight the urge to feel bad or to change. Erin was one of the people I looked to and that example helped me have the courage to be more me. Not to be her or like her or like any of the other people I respected, but by their example be more comfortable with who I was. Who I am.
By the time the rib thing came up I just didn’t care at all what anyone thought..
Now real people still hurt. I had someone I respected and valued and trusted who turned out to be a fake and a liar. That stung, but only for a day or so because in the end how someone treats you says nothing about you and everything about him(or her).
I think these lessons(as I have written about them time and time again) are valuable ones not only to have better day to day lives, but certainty as it relates to self defense and our safety. Not worrying what other’s think about us carrying a gun or a knife or screaming when we feel threatened Not worrying about being embarrassed. These are very common reasons why people allow themselves to be in more danger than they need to be and we need to get over it.
My wish for Erin on her birthday as well as for all of you, is that you find the courage to say screw um.
Have a beautiful day!!
What a great post!!! I found out long ago, what others think of you doesn’t matter one bit. One has to be their own person! I cannot understand just why or what it is that makes people today feel they have to have a jillion friends in order to feel “loved” or “in” with a large group. I dunno…maybe I am just a natural born rebel but to me the only ones that matter are the ones I care about, the rest of the world can go to blazes. I think it is wonderful that at least some of the people are waking up to what is really important. Maybe most of this angest that some feel is due to this phenomonon called the internet. Look at all the social sites. It seems that if one is not “accepted” by the majority they are some kind of failure. Say what?! Look at school age kids today….unless they have at least fifty friends they don’t feel “complete. Utter garbage. In short, my wish is that the sheeple wake the hell up.
Great post, and I’ll be heading over to Ponlyville shortly (ie….it’ll be a quick stop, one can only take so much pony!) to say HAPPY BURPDAY! There’s a quote out there that’s attributed to Dr. Seuss (I haven’t tracked it down to its verified source, so…) that says something like “Be yourself. Because those who mind, don’t matter, and those who matter, don’t mind.” There’s a lot of truth in that. I’ve always thought of this world as one gigantic clockwork mechanism, where everyone’s a gear or cog or sprocket (Spacelys!). Everyone’s different, and no two are exactly alike in every respect…and because of that, you’re never going to mesh with every other gear out there. And even the ones that you do mesh well with, you will still find some bumps and out-of-alignment teeth. But those who matter…don’t mind. The rest of em? Well, if they can’t function on their own without being propped up by the tenuous support of 500 other “friends” and take their frustrations out on those they don’t “mesh” well with….well, then, screw ’em.
Great post AGirl!
Well Said! You cut to the heart of the matter.
Said that a LONG time ago, I’m (as you know) a grumpy old man; so I don’t give a rats ass anyway… 😀
” It isn’t so much how I treat people or how I prepare my heart against harm as it is convincing my mind that I am good enough and the opinion of so and so just doesn’t make one ounce of difference.”
That’s a great statement, and I appreciate your phrasing- “prepare my heart against harm”- especially. It’s also true that some folks’ opinions matter much more than others.