Thank you so very much for your support yesterday. All the comments left here in addition to those sent privately warmed my heart.
I would like to say that the email and the words this man chose to use didn’t bother me a bit and I went on my merry way because I hate to give him any satisfaction, but to say that would be dishonest.
The truth is his words stung a little. I am not sure that I will ever read those words and not be affected. The thing about bullies is that they find the thing that most terrifies you or scares you, or upsets you and then they use it to do just those things. Clearly my biggest regret and the thing that causes me the most pain stem from that day and revolve around my daughter.
As most know I have already faced those feelings and chose for the good of myself and especially my children to heal and move forward in a positive way, so although the words stung, they didn’t cause me great harm or pain.
I have to say if you are the kind of person who would write such an email and you got a single ounce of pleasure from knowing you caused another person harm, then that says an awful lot about you and what it says isn’t good.
Yesterday I decide to do two positive things. One be an example to my child and two make someone else feel appreciated.
I did not give her the details, but when my daughter asked me why I wasn’t my usual peppy self, I told her someone was unpleasant to me. I wanted to reinforce to her that no one deserves to have power over your life and they can’t unless you let them. I gave her enough info as to use it as a teachable moment without getting into the ugliness of it. She knows when I am down my tendency is to shut down, be quite and usually, if its bad, retreat to my room for an hour or so. I wasn’t that bothered by his words, but I wanted to make a point. I told her letting someone else keep you from the joys of your life is the real cruelty and one that can only be perpetrated by you. Letting anyone keep me down is not the lesson I want to teach. I want to teach how to not only keep going, but to do it joyfully. That is just what we did. We did school like normal, then got a coffee and headed to the library. A place we both love. After, she asked if we could head to the mall to buy her friend’s Christmas gift. As luck would have it fate intervened and handed me an opportunity for part two.
As we walked through the mall I saw a young Marine coming our way. He was mighty impressive in his Blues. Of course, he was a Marine in his Blues. Always impressive. He was on his way to lunch. Taking a quick break from doing the Toys For Tots gig. I stopped him, thanked him for his service and shook his hand. He was the sweetest young man. He thanked me and M. I asked if I could buy his lunch. He started to say no, but stopped himself and said with a smile, sure.
He went to a fast food joint in the food court, so it cost me all of $10, but it made him blush with gratitude making me feel like I had spent $100.
I had a major pep in my step the rest of the day and was down right giddy in EMT class. So much so that my classmates thought I had indulged in a little holiday cheer before class. They were giggling at my silliness. I was not obnoxious by any means, but I tend to be a very serious and quite student and not one to make jokes and comments(like TSM does). I had the class rolling so hard the one of the other instructors came out of her office to see what was up. I might have possibly been making a light hearted joke about her. She also laughed.
At the end of the day the meanness of this man probably gave him only a momentary second of pleasure and me only a momentary second of pain. Doesn’t seem worth it.
I am not sure how much joy the Marine felt or for how long, but I know when someone is kind to me, no matter how small, it carries me for a good long time. I know the generosity of the Marine letting me buy him lunch gave me a pleasant memory that I will hold onto for a long time and hopefully so will my daughter.
Have the most wonderful day and thanks again for the kindness and support you showed me yesterday. I will carry that with me too.