I just received a phone call from a man who was looking for some advice on guns, training and all things self defense. He had been looking on the internet and was confused by the myriad of opinions. He wasn’t sure what was credible and what wasn’t.

We talked a bit and then I told him I would send him some info training and some other links to what I considered credible sources.

Pretty much from the get go of me writing this blog I said that this article was by far the best I had seen on the subject of selecting a handgun. I have wanted to link it directly on my blog forever, but could never figure out how and then I forgot about it. Maybe Barron can do that for me eventually.

I also sent him links to Active Response Training and Eastern Iowa Firearms Training blog.

Once again if you are new to guns and self defense then I would suggest checking out these links for yourself. Very good, solid, easy to understand, useful information.

 

One hundred percent of the time when I post something very personal like sharing that I am not good at telling people how I feel, I regret posting it and hundred percent of the time it ends up being a profoundly good thing.

I immediately started getting emails from people telling me either they struggle too or they used to struggle. It is easy to tell the people in our families we care and for me it is easy not to tell the people I dislike that, well I dislike them, but the in between people, that is tough on me and come to find out, it is tough for lots of folks.

Maura sent me a lovely note.Thank you for the sound words of wisdom and care. I got some great advice and encouragement from someone else as well. He has been a source of great strength for me for a while. Thank you CC for once again caring enough to share with me. I am deeply, deeply humbled by your belief in me.

That was the “Wow” portion. Now onto the “and Some Other Stuff.”

I read a couple military blogs. I never even knew they had milblogs until I was reading View From Under The Desk several months back. Angus posted about Neptunus Lex dying. I spent that entire night reading his blog and that led me to several other milblogs. I read This Ain’t hell, One Marine’s View and BLACKFIVE everyday. Today BLACKFIVE posted this and I thought that seemed like a good idea, so once a week, probably on Mondays I will re-post one of their tributes. I know today is Tuesday, but what the heck.

Sgt. Clifford Wooldridge.

I think Brigid has another excellent post here.

My husband left on Friday, so I haven’t slept well. I am not afraid or anything, I just miss him. I don’t like to be touched when I sleep. I always sleep on my right side and I always turn my back to whoever I am sleeping with. My kids, a friend if the sleeping arrangements are tight, even my husband, but with my husband, I always take my left leg and hook his. When he is gone, I often find myself trying to hook his leg and when I realize, half asleep, his leg isn’t there, I spend the rest of the night tossing and turning.

I am tired.

 

One of my problems is that I know what it is like to hurt, to feel unloved, awkward, unsure and so I try very, very hard not to ever make anyone feel that way. Sometimes I get so concerned about how they might feel if I do A or B that I end up doing nothing. This is not a I want them to like me, so I won’t say I like guns things. It isn’t about trying to fit in or get them to like me, it’s more I want to say I love you, but I don’t want you to get creeped-out or think now you have to tell me something you don’t feel thing.

After my brother killed himself I vowed to tell people I care about that I care about them regardless of how they felt about it. Not my family. My husband and I are annoyingly sticky sweet to each other and our kids, but others not so much. So, I promised to hug more and say the words more. And for a long while I did, but after that pesky March ordeal I became more withdrawn in talking and touching. I didn’t even realize to the extent it had happened until last night when I wanted to say “Love Ya” to a person I truly care for, but didn’t.

This morning I was reading a post by Shepherd K on The GunDiva’s blog and I thought, yeah, I should have just said it. I should have just had the courage to say, I don’t care if this make you uncomfortable, if something happened to you or me, I would feel awful that I didn’t tell you.

I am off to look someone in the eyes and say I love you.

**Edit** I should have been more clear. I have a hard time saying I love you the first time first…lol. If you are my friend and I have said I love you it’s not hard for me and I do mean it, so get off my back Angie. You know I love ya:)

 

 

A month or so ago my husband asked me if I wanted to meet some of his business peeps for drinks. I can count the number of times, in the last year, my husband and I have meet people for anything other than shooting on two fingers…last night was number three.

My husband’s main office is out of Connecticut, so a couple times a year the folks from that office come here and they meet at a local restaurant. Last night was the night.

Unfortunately, I had to pay up on that hooker deal I made so my husband and Tiger are currently in Reno collecting and couldn’t make it(it’s really a business trip). Arete is otherwise engaged, so I had to go to it alone. I have never met any of these particular people, but one of them is a pretty big time shooter and she comes with her own nickname.

Appaloosa Amy-

Amy, her husband and both her children shoot Cowboy matches, they carry and are staunch 2nd Amendment supporters, so naturally we spent the night talking about make-up and shoes.

Maybe not.

One of the men there was a retired Navy guy and a big gun nut as well, so we actually, hold onto your hats cuz this is a shocker, talked about guns, guns, and more gosh darn guns. They talked a fair amount too about business and I learned a lot. My husband has been holding out on me with the office gossip as in he has told me none, nada, zero, zilch.

One of the ladies who came, Jean, did not care about guns really. She wasn’t against them just didn’t seem all that interested, but when Amy started talking about my blog(I didn’t even know she read it) then the other lady stared asking questions.

Amy said, “Oh my gosh I laughed so hard on your post about being in the hospital”. She knows Arete and knows he is anything but an ass, so when she read the post she got the humor of it all, plus she is one badass chic and does not have a wimpy bone in her body. She is raising her daughter in the same fashion and it warmed my heart to hear her talk.

Anyway, Jean didn’t know I wrote a blog or that I train hand to hand/knife stuff with Arete and she was curious. She said, “Wait, are you talking about our Arete?”

Me- Yep.

Her- Really? He actually hits you?

Me- Yep.

Her face is stunned.

Me- Not at his full power.

Still stunned

Her- Why?

Me- Had a little bad guy thing.

The rest of the night no matter how many times the subject changed she came back to my bad guy deal. She asked me a lot of questions and Amy as well. I didn’t mind like I normally do.

Amy was craving ice cream, so us gals left the restaurant and walked down the street to a little shop. Gorgeous night by the way. While there Jean started asking me about the details of what happened. When, where, etc. Gave the run down and I mentioned at the end how he said we are going to leave here. I told her that would not have been a good idea.

Stunned look again. So, I say, generally it’s not good to let them take you to a second location. Do you know not to do that? She just looks at me and then says,

“I don’t think anyone is ever going to attack me.” I look at Amy and she looks at me and then I say, “Well, darling we need to talk”.

Her- Come on, how many people really get attacked? Not many.

Me- More than you think. How many people get shot in a movie theater?

She gives me a look like good point. The 3 of us spend the rest of the night talking self defense. She was asking a lot of questions. I have no idea if she was just very curious or if she will start to think more seriously about her safety, but I am hoping for the latter.

The evening was a ton of fun. Lots of laughter, a small amount of beer, and once again I was blessed with meeting some really fabulous folks.

On a side note, David over at Musings Over A Pint has inspired me to step away from the gin and add a little more beer into my life, so last night I had a long chit chat with a very nice young server about my taste in beer and he recommended I try a Belgium Dubel. I don’t know if this is a typical beer or not and I can not tell you a things about it except that it was cold and quiet yummy.

Another side note…I am really good at showing people I care and I am typically very good at telling them, but outside of my family, I am not super good at the “L” word. I mean I can say it casually like, but when I am all emotional I have a tough time saying it. I know, I know, I am whacka.  This should not be news to anyone by now. What is the point you ask. The point is a friend of mine, someone I am extremely fond of is in the hospital. I don’t think they know exactly what is going on, but if one is in the hospital that generally is not a good sign. After I left the ice cream shop last night I was thinking about him, so I sent a text. He was kind of dopy and my concern grew as we talked. I wanted him to rest, so I said so and I wanted to say, “Get well, love ya”, but I chickened out and just did the hugs and kisses thing. Anyway, if you have a second send some good thoughts his way cuz, you know, I want him to get well and I love him..

 

 

Last night I finished EMERGENCY by Neil Strauss. Good book. Have a lot to say about it, but that’s for another post.

When I got done I wasn’t tired, so I decided to read FEARLESS. It’s a book about Navy SEAL Adam Brown. Eric Blehm writes about Brown’s life and his death. Like just about any book about those who served and died for our country this one is compelling. I stayed up until 4:10 this morning finishing it.

Adam Brown was a crack addict before he joined the Navy. He had a lot of battles to fight before he ever got to doing what SEALS do. Over half the book is about the struggles he faced trying to overcome that addiction, which for him were life long.

He was not in the fight alone. He wanted to stop using for himself, for his parents, for his wife. Even though he lied, stole, and was actively throwing his life away none of his friends or family(except his older brother. They would repair that relationship) turned their backs on him. They held him accountable, even sent him to jail and left him there, but they never stopped being there for him. He slipped more than once, twice after he became a SEAL, but part of what kept him fighting was having a greater purpose and not wanting to let the people who cared about him down.He screwed up a lot, but he never gave up on anything including himself.

He won the war inside himself because he fought like hell to. He had a will to do so, he had people telling him not so nicely to get his shit together and he had people who just loved him through it.

It’s hard not to feel like a slug after reading about what other people have done to fight for this country. I am a woman, so being a Navy SEAL or sniper was never going to happen even if I hadn’t waited so long to stopping being a wimp, but still I sure wish I would have made some different choices.

The best I can do now is live a life that honors the sacrifices that were made on my behalf. I already do that in a lot of ways everyday, but I think I can do better. I can do more. I can live a life more fearlessly.

Of course, my demons are nothing like his and my contributions to the world pale in comparison, but I can relate in someways. I had the desire to overcome my weaknesses and I had those who would love me through it and without knowing it, I had those who would force me to fight harder than I thought I could.

I have talked before about this community and how I value it, but over the past 15 months, I have developed more intimate and personal relationships with people. These relationships, even the casual ones have been the love part of this equation. If you left even one comment on this blog then you mattered more than you realize. I have been blessed with lots of support from so many.

My husband was(and is) a constant rock and a constant source of gentle encouragement. He was(and is) my safe place and he was never going to tell me to pull it together. But I was lucky because others would take on that role.

After I wrote this post, I got a call from a blogger(he can out himself if he wants or not). He had read the post and immediately called me. We had never talked on the phone before, so there was some pleasant chit chat and then he pretty much said, enough. Not exactly these words, but he said you have been fighting this battle with your mind for a while now and it’s time to stop. He told me I was scaring him with this talk of self doubt and to go back and read the post I had written just a few days earlier. As with Arete the day before, he didn’t yell or cuss, but this man’s voice changed. He was almost stern, but in his voice I knew there was concern.

I had actually never had that kind of concern before. I was not worth the effort to anyone else before so each time life had thrown me a curve ball I had to find the strength inside myself to fight. I always did, but for whatever reason this last fight, the one to get over being a victim in my head was harder to win. I took huge steps forward, but then I always took a step or two back. I was ashamed and embarrassed every time I did.

There is something about having people care unconditionally. Not judging or condemning. It is inspiring. But, when those same people have enough care to face you and say, no more. It’s time to get your shit together, it’s life changing.

It’s life changing because it’s a deeper level of belief. I wasn’t just a sad pathetic woman who couldn’t seem to get a hold of her mind. I was a person they believed could get a hold of her mind and they weren’t going to let me get away with doing anything less. It’s easy to walk away from someone, especially when that person is walking away themselves. It’s hard to stay and fight for them. No one can win a battle unless they are willing to fight, but it’s nice when someone has your back and won’t leave you behind.

Sometimes when your lost you need to find yourself. Sometimes what you need is to be found.

I am probably not going to kill anyone today, but because of people like Adam Brown I am inspired to be more fearless and because of the love, care, support, and the not-always-so-gentle kick in the backside, I know that I can and will fight should the need arise.

 

 

 

 

MSgt B offered to lend me his Firefly DVD set. I had never heard of the television series before, but thought “Hey if MSgt B thinks it’s good then it must be”. Plus, I figured there was a good chance I would get to see some boobs.

No boobs, but still a really good series.  I watched every single episode. Was up until 1am. I don’t do that unless there is tequila involved.

Here are my favorite lines, which if you haven’t seen the show will make no sense.

Things are getting a little more exciting than I normally like them to be.

May have been the losing side. Still not convinced it was the wrong one.

My work my be illegal, but at least it’s honest.

Here’s a little concept I’ve been working on. Why don’t we shoot her first?

How drunk was I?

Morbid and creepifying I got no problem with.

Can we maybe vote on the whole murdering people issue? That is for Tiger

You found me broken.

Don’t stand for that. Someone ever tries to kill you, you try to kill ’em right back.

I cuss when it’s appropriate.

The whole point of cussing is that it is inappropriate.

You don’t fix faith. It fixes you.

You had a riot on account of me?

I’ll get better.

Man Woman walks down the street in a hat sunglasses like that, you know he’s she’s not afraid of anything …

You think following the rules will buy you a nice life, even if those rules make you a slave.

I watched the series with my 14 year old. Not entirely sure everything was age appropriate for her, nonetheless, I let her watch. When that last line was said, I looked at her and she said, “I know, I know, I should always follow the rules.”

Me- I don’t want you to be a rule follower.

Her- I will remember that the next time you tell me to clean my room.

Me- Funny. That’s not what I mean. I could tell you what I mean, but I think you already know.

Her- Don’t blindly follow. Know what you believe and why and be willing to stand up for it. Don’t be a sheep. Don’t be what you were.

Me-Yeah, that’s pretty much it.

Her- I listen when you talk.

Me- Go clean your room.

Her- Can we finish the show first?

Me- I suppose.

 

 

I have been wondering this myself.

I am half way through EMERGENCY by Neil Strauss. So far he has spent a fair amount of time explaining why the Jews and others didn’t leave their country when things got bad. Basically, he surmises they didn’t think things would get THAT bad.

How does one know when it’s time to get out or start shooting?

I saw this article on Battling BARE’s FB.

Wanted to let you know my Glock Guy had surgery on Monday and all went well. He is home now, so hopefully this will be the first of many successful milestones on his way to a full recovery.

A few people have emailed asking about my ribs. They are healing nicely. Still sore, especially in the mornings or after a run, but very manageable.

Our latest contest winners are working on setting up their shooting classes. I think one of them will be coming here to Virginia to take a course at FPF Training. I really hope that works out!

Umm, that is all I have. For some reason when I started this post, I thought I had more things to update. Guess not.

***Edit*** I took down the post Trigger Work because my son and husband do not think I accurately described what happened at the range and my hubby in-particular felt that I should give a more accurate picture.

 

 

Here are the emails, texts and comments I have received over the past 24 hours..

White sunglasses…Uh, NO!

Tinted sunglasses with white frames-facepalm

What were you thinking?

Really?

Your annoyingly dorky.( At least that one was followed by “it is part of your charm”.)

Next time just ask for help.

And my personal favorite…

I can’t believe we let you dress yourself.