Delusional Bravado

I have been watching a lot of shows on The Military History channel and I have been watching a lot of action movies. You know the kind with guns and knives and half naked chicks and everybody kicking the crap out of everybody else. The kind where everyone is all muscley and say things like “I ain’t got time to bleed” and “Only the hard and strong may call themselves Spartans.”

I have been loving pretty much everything I have seen. Unfortunately I think I somehow mistakenly began to think, not sure how, perhaps through osmosis that I am now a badass.

I can come up with no other reason why, when asked, “Do you want to knife fight/train with an former Marine sniper, current MAA fighter whose philosophy is: I only know how to train hard?” Did I respond with, “Sounds fun.”

What part of that sounded fun to me?? In retrospect, I probably should have thought that one through a little more, but hindsight being what it is and me meeting Arete in just a bit I guess it is too late to back out now.

Delusional grandeur aside, I am patently aware that I am not a mean motherf(you know the rest), but a girl can dream. What is it that they say, “Fake it til you make it”? Well, that is my plan. I am going to keep acting like I am tough until I either become tough or die trying.

Wish me luck!

30 thoughts on “Delusional Bravado

  1. You go girl!

    Sounds like a fun course, and just remember….”pain is only fear leaving the body”.

    …never understood that one, myself. I always figger’d pain is the body’s way of yelling “hey, stop doing that, you idiot!”

    • Lol, yeah I am married to a Marine so that is kind of our family motto, whether we like it or not:). I actually don’t mind pain. If I workout and am not sore then I feel like I haven’t done anything, but the unknown of this is unsettling I guess. I don’t think he is going to take me out or anything:)

    • Well, to my way of thinking, there’s a difference between those who go work out and run and get that nice burn goin…and those who willingly go out and beat themselves to death in an unpadded backyard football match, or MMA (I respect them, its just not my sport) deathmatch, etc. Nothin’ wrong with being fit!

    • I don’t know why he MMA fights. I haven’t asked, but I do think there is value in getting hurt a little. You are not going to find me at an MMA event, but I have never been hit(except as a child and there was really abuse). I have never had any reason to fight. Well, I had a reason and we know how that ended. I want to fight. I was to hurt a little. I am to weak…physically and mentally. I don’t know if he will do any of that, but I hope his plan is not to coddle me.

    • My husband would like me to to mention pain is weakness leaving the body not fear:). Of course, fear can be weakness, but he is a Marine and attention to detail and all.

  2. Nice!! Very hard to teach “close in” skills without pain – it’s just part of the deal. Won’t even pretend to give you advice – give it your all, go flat out and enjoy!!

  3. agirlandhergun – i was 77lbs when i did my weigh in for basic training in the military. they told me i had two weeks to break 80lbs or i was going to be re-coursed (set back at the beginning). another instructor from hell told me that i wouldn’t make it through week 1. little did they know of my determination and will…nor did they know that they were dealing with an 11-yr competition trained gymnast!!! it takes will, guts and heart – and you have all 3 in spades!

    your friend,

  4. agirlandhergun – look at all that you have been through and look at how you have embraced difficult things, changed your opinions and have been confidently moving forward! none of what i said is nice or motivating – just the plain, ‘ol truth! you go gurl! there’s a bunch of us here rooting for you…and got your six!

    your friend,

  5. Sounds like you are getting some great training. Another Marine saying applies here, “The more you sweat in peace, the less you bleed in war.” What’s the chances you have to fight an MMA/ex Marine on the street that is trying to hurt you? Probably pretty slim. So when train to beat the best you will be over prepared for the rest. Keep training with the best of the best and if you ever have to use your skills for real you will be prepared.

    And have fun with it!

  6. If “sounds fun” means that after struggling through it you will enjoy the sense of accomplishment, of having tried hard, failed, and kept going anyway, then…”sounds fun.”

    To get better you have to learn from and train with..and against…someone better than you. A really good instructor, and a really good training partner, will not overwhelm you all the time (once in awhile is good so as to keep perspective about reality), but will largely keep you right on the edge, and a little beyond, your ability.

    In the training group I am a part of, we have discussed, and I think share the belief that, we must search out and practice the things that we don’t do well at, be humble enough to learn from failure, but stubborn enough not to quit at failure, be open-minded enough to examine new ways of doing things, and tough minded enough to test those ways with as close-to-fighting-intensity as we can get, rejecting the ways that don’t work under that kind of pressure. Like any ideal, I feel like I fall short a lot, but it is an ideal worth pursuing. It is pretty much the opposite of “delusional bravado.”

    You can practice certain things against someone of a similar skill level, but to test them, to learn where your weaknesses are, and to test your strengths, you need to go hard against someone better, much better if possible.

    Remember, that guy in the parking lot didn’t choose you because he thought you could fight back and defeat him, or even come close to matching him. He chose you because he thought it wouldn’t even be close, that he could do whatever he wanted with you and not get hurt. The next guy that comes after you will be thinking the same thing.

    That’s why you pit yourself “ex Marine sniper, current MAA fighter whose philosophy is: I only know how to train hard?”, that’s why you carry a gun, and a knife, and a strong, never-give-up mind.

    If you are not getting your butt kicked in training a large percentage of the time, you are probably not learning how to do this…

    If that kind of training “sounds like fun,” that’s great, much easier to keep doing things we enjoy. It is good to enjoy the training, and tough training builds bonds and confidence — ask the Marines — but remember the purpose is so you can surprise and defeat someone who normally would overwhelm you.

    A couple readings on training and learning that some of us have found very useful:

    Hard to summarize them, but one key point — it is not the amount of time spent training, it is the intensity and the focus on finding and eliminating failure points that counts.

    • Eric, thank you very much for taking the time to write that comment. I read it several times. I do have fun when I train, but fun is not my objective. You really won’t find me laughing and joking, but it’s fun to me. I have a purpose though. What you said about the guy in the parking lot is a hard truth of my life. I was the perfect victim. He was sure he could have his way with me and he was right. That can not happen again.

      I appreciate the resources. I will most certainly check them out.

  7. Ultimately, we should take our hints from nature. Animals avoid a fight at all cost, unless they have no other option, or are assured they will win. There are battles for dominance, but the reward must be great to venture the risk, because most often the alternative is death…

    That being said, you have evened your odds by getting a gun and training with it. Now all you have to do is evade the political predators.

    • Of course avoidance, awareness, de-escalation are all part of my training. A big part, but this training is for if all that fails. I am not looking for trouble, but I am not going to just lie there and take it next time. I’m not.

  8. I’m woried about you wanting to become a badass. From where I sit, badasses have the unfortunate trait of wanting to demonstrate to one and all, and especially those not as strong (slightly different from “weaker”) as themselves that they are in fact badasses.

    While having more than one tool on the belt helps, there is a lot of truth in “Beware of an old man with just one gun. He probably knows how to use it.” Maybe I survived to be a crippled old curmudgeon by avoiding a lot of situations (and I’m pretty sure that was both right and correct every time) but there are some stories that just will not get told of when avoidance just was not possible/acceptable. At those times having an adequate selection of tools and the attitude that I can/will use them to assure that if I do not make it out the other side there will be a pile of enemies to show I tried was probably what allows me to share this thought with you.

    Learn as much as you can. Know the limitations of what you are learning. Apply what you have learned with every ounce of energy and determination. While it’s great to remain standing after it’s all over, sometimes winning is determined by who was the last to fall. If you do not understand that, ask your Marine hubby to explain it as it relates to protecting your kids.

    Oh, yeah – even “blunt” training blades hurt. I think they are supposed to. Ice and ibuprofen become your friends.

    stay safe.

    • I think you know how much I appreciate your point of view.

      I don’t really want to become a badass. I am not ever looking for trouble. I am not ever going to seek it out. I am going to avoid, leave, deescalate, whatever. I have zero desire to prove anything to anyone other than myself. I am not a person who needs to show anyone I am a badass. I was trying to be funny and also, it’s partly mindset. I really have to stop identifying with being meek.

    • “Meek” doesn’t mean roll over and give up. Sometimes the fiercest fighters are those who are normally meek…but recognize that by doing nothing, they are doing an evil almost as great as the one actually committing the act. “Meekness” means not walking around with your chest puffed out and daring the world to question your abilities…its walking around aware of the world around you and fully confident in your abilities and your capability of assessing a situation and applying the avoid/leave/deescalate option wherever possible, but also cracking open that can o’ whoop-ass when absolutely necessary. I may be a bit off in the head, but to me, that’s what meekness is about. God talks about it a lot in the Bible, but I’ve never found a place where He says that meekness=victim.

    • “I was trying to be funny and also, it’s partly mindset. I really have to stop identifying with being meek.”

      OK, I’ll accept the humor – not being funny but being humerous. Darn it, but words really do have meanings.

      As RabidAlien notes, “meek” does not mean “weak”. Maybe the word you are searching for is “confident”? It sure seems that the more training you get the more you become confident of yourself and your abilities, as well as of your determination to defend both you and yours.

      Hope you continue to grow. I admit to a vicarious pleasure watching it happen.

      stay safe.

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